Cruelty
by Fairyboydammit
Summary: Cherry-picking from Moonlit Water Sunny River's 100 themes of Edvy. Ed comes to Envy looking for pain, what he finds is understanding he never he could have expected. Rated M for mature themes, suggestive situations, semi-graphic BDSM, and to cover my ass.
1. Cruelty

**Author's Notes: Betaed now! I have the best beta ^_^ Envy me! Before I get people too excited, I'm probably not going to do all of Moonlit Water Sunny River's 100 Edvy themes, at least not anytime soon, but this one just kind of forced its way out of my head for a number of reasons. Naturally, Edward's question from Moonlit's Cruelty theme, also, and probably most crucially, I wanted to do a BDSM story that wasn't torture porn, because that's the only way I see it represented in literature these days. What's happening in this story is called After Care, and it's a crucial part of any healthy dom/sub relationship. I'm not here to ruin anyone's fantasy or tell anyone you shouldn't read this or that story, I just want to shed light on the emotional aspects of these relationships and further the dialog and understanding about BDSM in general. The third thing that made me write this, well you'll figure it out ^_^**

**Cruelty**

He cradles me in his arms, the cool kiss of the wet cloth teasing my face and neck. I can't even remember the last time I felt so at ease. I don't even try to distract myself from the fact that it's in the arms of Envy that I find this comfort.

I was a little ashamed when he first realized that this was what I wanted, pieced together from the way I always picked fights with him that I craved the pain. I was more surprised than him when I accepted his offer. I knew he would go for it - I wasn't ready to admit how eager I was, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. When the despair gets to be too much all I can do is seek out pain. I don't know if it's some twisted view on equivalent exchange, the idea that suffering must bring me something, or if it's just the physical release I need, but I need the pain. Of all the Homunculi, Envy is easily the cruelest, the most sadistic. They're all dangerous, all without a shred of compassion for humanity, but there's pleasure in Envy's eyes when he hurts someone that I don't see in any of the others. Even Wrath doesn't seem to enjoy inflicting harm as much as Envy - or maybe he just hid it better behind the Fuhrer's face.

I asked for pain and Envy gave it to me, more than I could imagine. I thought after being through the gate, enduring automail surgery and fighting these monsters I couldn't be surprised by pain anymore. I was wrong. I wouldn't admit how terrified I was of what he would do to me when those chains first bound my arms. I knew he couldn't kill me, but there was plenty else you could do without killing someone. Most of all, I dreaded being found out, explaining the marks to Al or Mustang, but I needed this, more than anything.

I wasn't surprised at how much he enjoyed hurting me - I was surprised at how good he was at it. Not just at how he was able to make me hurt, sting, or scream, but how he did it without seriously damaging me. He would drive me to agony just teasing my skin with feathery touches from his hair, bringing all the blood to the surface before raking dull nails across it. I lost all track of time in the throes of his cruel mercies. What surprised me the most was when he had finished. He unbound my arms and sat cross-legged beneath me, pulling me into his lap. I remember the first time so clearly.

"What are you doing?" I asked blearily. I felt so weak in his arms, I could barely move.

He gave a snort. "Have to get you cleaned up. Don't want you marked too badly when you go back to dear Al now, do we?" he said in a mocking tone as I felt a cool rag on my back. My tense muscles softened to jelly under his care. The treating of my injuries felt almost as cathartic as receiving them. It was dark but I could still see red when he would wring out the rag. When he finished, I was left with only the dull ache from some of the bruises and the tenderness of the welts on my back. The cuts were shallow enough to close from the cool rag. "Are you alright?" he asked in a serious, calm tone that seemed so alien to his voice as he held me gently.

"Ya, ya I'm alright." I replied, only partially understanding what he meant by that.

So here we are again, me sitting in his lap like a kid who scraped his knees, and him holding me like a concerned parent as he calms my angry wounds with delicate touches. The tenderness on my neck makes me worried he's left a mark, but he rarely actually does, or at least, not a noticeable one. My eyes drift up to look at his face. His eyes are smiling gently as he cleans the cuts on my chest, even as his mouth twists in a cruel scowl. If I had the strength I would chuckle - I begged him to make me bleed, and he did. I pleaded for him to hit me, and he did. I cried out for him to hurt me again and again, and he did. When I asked him not to damage my automail, he didn't. When I hid my eyes and told him not to touch me there, his hand drew back. When I scowled at him and demanded he not let me think for a moment that he loved me, he complied.

I lean my head against his shoulder and force out in a raspy whisper, my throat still so raw. "Why are you cruel?" I manage to get out, immediately regretting it. Not because I think he'll get mad, or upset, but because I didn't have the breath to ask it properly. Our eyes met and I try vainly to elaborate on my question in his gaze.

_How can you be so cruel and still so kind? How do you understand suffering so well?_ I think as hard as I can, my throat denying me any more speech.

The look in his eyes tells me he understands, or maybe I'm just hoping. His eyes drift down then back up to mine. "Are you alright?" He asks, like he always does, and for the first time I really understand what he's asking.

_Are you out of your despair? Do you no longer need to hurt? Are you strong again?_

I nod. He looks away and lifts me off his lap, laying me down on the cot and propping me against the pile of pillows and blankets. I can only stare dumbfounded as he lays against me, tucking his head under my chin and pulling my flesh arm around his shoulders. He wraps his arms around me gently and just holds me for a long moment. At first I think the tremors are mine, my exhausted muscles rebelling against some involuntary movement, but as his grip around me tightens I realize he's the one trembling. A choked sob forces itself from between his lips and he buries his face in my chest and curls his legs into my lap, hot tears run down my skin. Instinctively I hold him a little tighter, wrapping my other arm around him as he quakes against me. His cries are agonizing, each one lancing to my heart like a searing cold needle, and I begin to wonder how long this pain has nested inside him. I feel so helpless, just holding him as he suffers, so selfish and guilty. His grip on me shifts slightly as he settles down, the cries giving way to muffled sobs, fading to sniffles and labored breathing.

"Have you ever envied someone?" he asks, his voice shaky. I can't respond. "Ever see someone and be paralyzed by the desperate need to be them?" he continues, choking out the words as if they were barbs. Like barbs his words tear into my heart, as a memory conjures itself in my mind. It was just before I became a state alchemist. Al and I were walking past a restaurant and he stopped to look in the window. I stopped myself from chiding him, knowing as much as it pained him not to be able to enjoy the taste or smell of food, I wouldn't help in reminding him. I looked down the road and saw a family leaving. A mom, a dad, two sons, smiling and laughing. They looked so happy, so carefree, and my heart stung with how bad I wanted to be that boy, smiling at his dad, laughing with his brother. In the few seconds I saw them before they disappeared into a car that want had blackened and twisted into the most awful hate I had ever felt, Al's giant hand on my shoulder brought me back. My eyes sting as the memory fades, and I wrap myself tighter around Envy.

"That's all I feel, that's all I am, the hopeless desire for another's happiness, and the bitter hatred that follows." His voice starts out a little stronger but he begins choking again on the last few words. I think he's going to start crying again, but he takes a deep breath and speaks again. "Can you imagine any crueler act than making me?" he asks as another sob escapes him.

I just hold him silently.

I really can't.


	2. Kindness

**Author Notes: Prequel to Cruelty! Nevermind that it's the second chapter. Warnings! Graphic BDSM stuff, cutting, whipping, hitting, that sort of thing. Also boners. Rated M for a reason. More of my whole "this is what a healthy dom/sub relationship is supposed to be like" kick. There will definitely be more to this storyline, so keep your eyes peeled!**

**Kindness**

This was a really bad idea. That's all I could think as I shuffled through the tightly packed stone buildings of old Central. Envy had said to meet him at an address here. "If you want pain, let me give it to you properly." His words echoed in my memory, the tone in his voice sending shivers down my spine. Part of me knew I shouldn't do this, it could be a trap, I could be imprisoned, or killed. I still didn't know exactly what the homunculi had meant by me and Al being 'sacrifices' maybe the whole thing was just to lure me out alone. I had to take this chance though, it was only a matter of time before I seriously hurt myself looking for this release on my own.

I looked up at the squat stone and mortar building in front of me, rusted steel numbers next to the door matched the ones Envy gave me. The whole thing looked intimidating somehow, but at least it wasn't some condemned old wreck. I considered knocking, then decided against it, pushing the door in. It surprised me how easily the door opened. Whatever this building had been at one time was a mystery, there was a lamp on inside, illuminating only the table it sat upon, the bare stone floor, and several chains hanging ominously from ceiling.

"So you came." A voice from the darkness called, its owner stepping into the light. Part of me was surprised Envy looked so normal, for Envy anyway, I half expected some crazy leather and chains get up, his waist festooned with weapons and arcane implements of torture. It was just Envy though, familiar long tendrils of black hair, same old midriff tanktop and skirt over shorts. I guess he was slouching a bit less, but otherwise looked like he always did.

He adjusted the lamp, illuminating more of the room. I caught sight of a small cot in the corner, just a mattress and a pile of blankets and pillows really. A steel tub sat near it, the surface of the water in it catching the light. He caught me staring around the room. "Not quite what you expected, eh pipsqueak?" He asked as he sauntered over to me, a smirk plastered on his face.

"I really didn't know what to expect…" I replied honestly, something in my voice I didn't recognize, was I disappointed?

"You still want to do this?" He asked, and I suddenly missed the mocking tone in his voice.

"…Yeah." I answered, trying to sound confident. He grabbed one of the chains hanging from the ceiling and beckoned me over. I obeyed hesitantly.

"You can just fix your clothes with alchemy right?" He asked, the hateful, mocking tone creeping back into his voice.

"Yeah." I responded, afraid of saying anything more than the barest answer.

He responded by grabbing my wrists and binding them together over my head with the chain. He wrapped it around a few times and hooked it through itself, he gave it a test pull, apparently satisfied it wouldn't come loose. I noticed he bound my hands facing each other, I'd still be able to use alchemy. I debated pointing that out to him. He tugged down on the other length of chain, my arms yanking up as he did, pulling me up until I was only just barely able to touch the ground with my feet. He tore my cloak and jacket off in one pull, the sudden reminder of his inhuman strength chilling my blood. Sharp nails ran down my left arm. "Any ground rules you want to set before we get started? This is usually where you'd pick a safe word but it's your first time so just tell me when I'm about to cross a line." He purred into my ear, his hand hooking into my undershirt and tearing it off. My mind raced. _What did he have in mind? What do I want? What don't I want? I have no idea what I'm doing_. Then a drop of lucidity.

"D-don't damage my automail! I break it often enough as it is, Winry would get suspicious…" I regretted that last comment, positive he'd start mocking me for it. No taunts came though, just long locks of his soft hair whipping over my chest and back. This seemed rather tame for Envy, he knew what I could take, what was with this?

"That all?" He sounded ominously excited, I felt the blood rising in my skin against the makeshift whip of his hair. _Ooooh I get it now…_ I thought to myself as I felt his arms encircle me from behind. His fingertips dug into my chest, long nails slowly growing from them.

"That's all I can think of…for now." I managed to squeeze out, my breath suddenly coming quicker than I expected. He dragged his nails down my chest and stomach. My whole body lurched against him, I didn't even know to describe it. It hurt like hell, and I wanted more.

"Liked that I see, you're nice and responsive." He cooed, sounding more pleased with himself than I had really hoped, but then what did I expect really? I felt his nails again, this time over my back, I shuddered and gasped, I heard him chuckle behind me. He raked his nails over me once more, up my sides and over my chest, I cried out as he caught my nipples and moaned for his touch as I felt him step away.

What felt at first like thicker, heavier locks of his hair brushed over me, dragging across my now tender chest and swishing over my back teasingly. The caresses stopped and I felt a rush of air as the first strike came down. I was panting as I felt the soft stings against my back. It felt like strips of leather slapping against my back, there must have been a dozen of them. They hit from alternating sides in an almost comfortable rhythm, my skin growing more sensitive with each strike. Eventually every inch of my back must have been glowing red, each time I heard the dull slap against my skin it sent red hot needles through me. He hesitated for a second when I first cried out, I almost started screaming at him not to stop but another strike cut me off. It felt like my back was being torn open, but I never felt the blood flowing down.

My legs were starting to get weak, he must have noticed because he let some slack into the chain and stepped on the back of my leg, forcing me to kneel. I made a noise as my knee hit the stone floor, I almost heard the smile cross his face. He stepped around in front of me, his hands on hips. Fear shot through me as I realized where my face was relative to his crotch. Before I could struggle though, he squatted down in front of me, his eyes searching mine. I didn't know what he was looking for. He grabbed my jaw roughly, squeezing just hard enough to make me know he had control. "I suppose you want me to stay away from your face, I'll bet it bruises beautifully too." His hand dropped from my chin before I could respond and drove into my stomach. The first one knocked the wind out of me, but he waited for me start breathing again and pointedly clenched another fist where I could see. My stomach tensed as he punched me again. The dull ache of the blunt force was gratifying, I knew it would bruise but I could hide my midriff for a few days without suspicion. I knew I had strong abs, but Envy's fists made me feel soft and weak. _Just like I want him to_ a voice in my head growled.

He stood again, stalking around me like a cat with a mouse. A second after he disappeared behind me I felt something slam against me from behind. Somewhere he had discarded his shirt but even his flawlessly smooth skin felt like gravel against my raw back. I screamed in pain and surprise. His hair fell over my chest and I saw the faintest hint of red sparks in it as he pulled it up my body, it felt like briars, leaving my skin red and raw where he pulled it away. He stood again, I felt the chain snap and he yanked me onto my back, keeping my arms behind me so my head didn't hit the floor. The cold stone, though coarse, was soothing on my back. I wondered if that was intentional. He stood over me, placing a foot on my chest and pressing down slowly. I thought for sure he was going to break a rib or two, my lungs were screaming as he forced the air from them. Just as my vision began to narrow and I had resigned myself to blacking out, he stepped off me.

I gasped for air as he straddled me. My breath caught in my throat as I realized I was hard. I hoped he didn't notice, I prayed he wouldn't notice. Oh he noticed. A smug grin crossed his face and he brought his hand to his cheek in mock shyness. "I'm flattered pipsqueak, but that's not what we're here for I'm afraid." He tittered as he shifted his weight off my frustrating appendage. He crawled over me, placing one hand on the knot of chains around my wrists, rather effectively pinning it with his massive strength. Sharp teeth dug into my triceps and I cried out, as much in surprise as pain. He squeezed the muscle in his jaws so hard I thought for sure he would tear it off. I began to feel really disappointed at what he just said as I strained against my trousers. After an agonizing amount of time he released my arm, dragging his teeth across my skin as he moved down to my shoulder. The next bite came onto the thin skin across my ribcage, the intensity making me buck against him uselessly. It was satisfying the way I could struggle against him with all my might without even making him budge. He moved back up, biting the side of my chest, sharp canines digging into my pectoral as his incisors dragged over my nipple. The groan that escaped me was as much pain as pleasure, and he could tell. He let go of my chest and moved his face right in front of mine. "Something you want, pipsqueak?" He asked, his sarcastic tone almost comforting. The blood rose in my cheeks, there was something I wasn't ready to admit I wanted from him right now, there was something else I was though.

"Cut me." I demanded, practically growling at him. He eyed me skeptically.

"I usually don't do this the first time, but you seem pretty sure about it." His tone annoyingly serious at first, but returning to the mocking chirp I was more comfortable with as he voiced his assent. He waved his hand tauntingly in front of my face, his fingers sparking and shifting into sleek knives. I was reminded of Lust as he placed them teasingly against my chest. I was panting heavily, I wanted this so bad. At first he was just dragging the blades along my skin, letting me feel their sharpness. I tried to press into them, only to have the hand on my chains shift to my neck, his ten ton grip keeping me from trying that again. I hoped I didn't show how excited I was by his hand on my neck. Slowly, achingly slowly, I felt the first blade break skin. I strained to look down, seeing a small red swell coming from my chest. I shuddered as he cut four long lines across my chest. I thought that would be all he'd give me until I felt them on my stomach.

"Yes." I groaned out to the unasked question. He obliged, pressing the blades into my skin just barely and running down my abdomen. I barely even noticed him slicing through my pants unhindered. When I did though, I sharply turned my head to the side, suddenly ashamed of what we were doing. "Not there." I hissed out, and his hand disappeared from me, I felt the cuts stopping just a hand's breadth from my erection. He climbed off me and unwrapped the chains from my wrists. I couldn't even move my arms anyway, but it was nice to not have them pulled into that position anymore.

I heard him pull the metal tub I had seen earlier over to me, and a sound like a sponge being wrung out into a bucket. He picked me up and pulled me into his lap. The first touch of the cold, moist cloth was almost as agonizing as the cuts it was soothing. "W-what are you doing?" I asked blearily.

He snorted dismissively "Have to get you cleaned up. Don't want you marked too badly when you go back to dear Al now, do we?" I groaned as a mix of emotions washed over me. Shame, elation, apathy. I felt awful for what I'd just done, had done to me, but so calm and light from the release. I just didn't care at that moment. The cold cloth eased across my chest slowly, it felt so good. I let my eyes flutter closed, I was so exhausted, and so relaxed. I could just fall asleep here. _In the arms of Envy? Are you insane!?_ My eyes snapped open at the sudden horror. I could swear Envy let out a soothing shush, but I had to be hallucinating. He wrung out the rag and I saw how much red was in it, then decided against looking down for the moment. A happy sigh escaped me when I felt it again, this time on my stomach. I looked up and saw Envy's face, it was so much softer than before, his brow relaxed, his jaw unclenched. He was almost really smiling. I got a little nervous as he cleaned the lowest of the cuts, I was still hard and as much as I might have craved it in the middle of everything I was just embarrassed now. If he noticed or cared he gave no sign, calmly wiping my cuts, wringing out the cloth, wiping again. Apparently satisfied the bleeding had stopped he picked me up again, pulling my legs around his waist and leaning me against him. Between having the current muscular strength of a bowl of warm milk and my handler being a supernaturally strong homunculus, any physical protest would have been pointless, but I did manage a verbal one.

"What the hell Envy…" I drawled out. It wasn't much of one but it was a protest dammit.

"I need to get your back now." He replied, his tone shifting back into that seriousness I had found so unsettling, it was sort of calming now. I hissed slightly as I felt the cloth on my back, its texture irritating the raw skin before the cold water could numb it.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just let me lay on the cot for this?" I whined, shivering as the cold water ran down my back

"Is that what you would prefer?" He asked, moving his head slightly so he could look me in the eye. I didn't want to admit I was enjoying this closeness, I had been starved for physical contact ever since we lost our bodies. I fought the urge to wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"…No." I replied, a slightly petulant tone in my voice. I waited for him to chuckle at that. Maybe make some snide insinuation. He hadn't even called me pipsqueak for a solid ten minutes. _Insult me damn you!_ "Why are you being so nice? Didn't you offer to hurt me? What's with all this loving momma crap?" I tried to sound angry but I just didn't have it in me, this was so relaxing.

"What I offered was to be your dom, there's more to it than just beating the shit out of you." He said in a distressingly matter-of-fact tone. My back was cool and numbed now, he tossed the cloth into the tub and grabbed a bottle of something from the table. "Makes me wonder what you thought you were getting into." He squirted the bottle onto his hand and his arms encircled me as he began rubbing something into my back. I tried not to think about how nice it felt, like he was holding me.

"I don't know, I figured you'd knock me around some, kick me out when you were done, I wasn't sure." I replied lazily. I leant my head on his shoulder, hoping I would just seem tired. The rubbing motion of his hands on my back rocked me soothingly. I kind of hoped he'd make fun of me for that one.

"That's not how it works Ed, when you accepted my offer you became my sub, your desires are paramount." He replied calmly. Hearing him use my name made me start, I hadn't expected that. Or that comment.

"My desires are paramount? Isn't 'dom' short for 'Dominator'? That doesn't sound very dominant." I really was trying harder than I should to piss him off, it was easier than accepting that he wasn't the sadistic monster I wanted him to be.

"Hurting you and controlling you is only part of it, taking care of you afterwards and making sure you're safe while I'm dominating you is just as important." I was starting to give up on angering him, he was clearly too used to this for that to get me anywhere. My curiosity took over though.

"Is that why you bound my wrists so I could still do alchemy?" I asked, a moan escaping me as he massaged my sore back.

"Yes, trust is important, so I wanted to make sure you had a way out if you needed one. Maybe when we trust each other a bit more I'll bind you up for real." A playful tone crept into his voice, I was glad for it, he was becoming just a bit too calm and sympathetic for me.

I tried not to nuzzle his neck. "Each other? Wouldn't it just be me trusting you?" I was amazed at how much the pain in my back had subsided. I could still feel a few welts and tender areas but it was nothing compared to the stinging burn that encompassed my entire back a few minutes ago.

"I also have to trust you, trust that you know what you want well enough not to ask for anything that will really hurt you." Serious Envy replied, his fingertips ghosting over my back in a soothing way that made it impossible for me to be mad at him.

"That makes sense, I guess I still have a ways to go then." I chuckled weakly, remembering how I tried to force myself onto his finger blades.

"This is your first time doing something like this, I won't hold it against you." His tone still serious, but a bit more relaxed. His wording made me blush as I realized what I was still holding against him.

"So… when you…when you said 'that's not what we're here for' …" I trailed off, a little too embarrassed to finish my question. I was afraid his fingers would stop, they didn't

"I meant this isn't sexual." His bluntness struck me like a fist. That really shouldn't have hurt that much.

"…What if I wanted it to be?" Had my legs been capable of it I would probably have started rutting against him right there, as it was I was glad for the exhaustion paralyzing them. Envy turned to look at me, his violet eyes meeting mine and holding them in their gaze.

"I'd say no." I'd never heard his voice so deep. He was deathly serious. I would never admit how much that stung. He could see my disappointment though. "You seek out physical pain because it eases the mental pain. When you're not feeling the pain you feel you deserve you torture yourself, that's why you came to me in the first place isn't it? Pain puts you at ease, pleasure would just make you suffer." His words left me feeling more raw than my stumps during the automail surgery. I couldn't have felt more vulnerable and exposed if he had just raped me. I forced my eyes shut and looked away as they began to sting.

"You… you could make it hurt though couldn't you? You could-" I started to beg but he cut me off.

"Ed. No. You are not well enough for sexual sadism. This is what I meant about being able to trust you. You want me to hurt you like that but it would break you. I've already seen what putting someone who isn't ready through that does and I won't do that to you." He was finally starting to get angry, but not like I wanted him to.

"Sorry, I… sorry." I nestled against his neck, I couldn't remember when I wrapped my arms around him, but I let them linger. He had been tense against me when he spoke, and I felt him relax. He let out a sigh.

"I won't use sex to punish you Ed, that would mess you up really badly. Even if I didn't, you would punish yourself for doing anything sexual with me. Am I wrong?" I shook my head, afraid if I spoke I wouldn't be able to hold it all in anymore. "You do this for atonement, not pleasure. You're ashamed of how aroused you get when I hurt you, think of how you'd feel if I acted on that? When you're no longer here because you're punishing yourself, when you're able to feel pleasure without shame and start seeking me out because you just enjoy what we do, then we can talk about doing something sexual." His serious tone took on an optimistic note as he spoke. I hadn't really thought about it at the time, but he was right, I was ashamed, ashamed that I was actually enjoying this. I knew I felt guilty, like I needed punishment, I hadn't fully realized how deep the cracks really went. I hadn't even noticed I was shaking in his embrace.

"It's alright." He said soothingly, running his hand through my hair. I felt his arms close around me, breathing in the scent from his hair. My eyes stung even more as I held onto my frustration. His lips barely brushed my ear as he whispered to me. "It's alright, you can let it out now." What was left of my resolve shattered at his words, the anguish and turmoil I'd held back these years burst forth. I clutched him so tight as I sobbed into his shoulder. Half garbled confessions slipped out between the cries, everything I had never dared to admit to anyone about how guilty I felt for what I'd done to Al, how I'd failed to protect Nina or Hughes. Envy said nothing, did nothing but hold me, stroking my hair and letting me hurt the way I really needed to. After what seemed like an eternity I had no more tears to cry. All the pain was out. My grip on him eased. If he was human I probably would have broken his ribs I was holding so tight. I sniffled once as I pulled away from him, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I looked into his eyes, searching for judgment, resentment, even that hateful disdain Envy always seemed to have. I found… none of those. His eyes were calm violet pools, holding only understanding. We just stared at each other for a long moment, he broke the silence. "Are you alright?" He asked in such a calm, even tone, it didn't even sound like his voice.

"Ya" I responded, making sure I was still looking in his eyes when I said it, then looking away.

"Ya I'm alright." Part of me wondered what he meant when he asked that, I think I knew though. He lifted me up as he stood, letting me lean against the table while I worked the strength back into my legs. He put a pile of shredded fabric on the table next to me that I vaguely recognized as most of my clothes. I let out a snigger. "Maybe next time I'll take all this off first." I muttered jokingly as I clapped and fixed my undershirt, pulling it on carefully over my tender back, thankful the cuts had all closed up.

"Maybe, I might not let you, ripping them off was pretty fun." Envy replied teasingly, his playful tone back where it should be.

I clapped and repaired my jacket. "I gave you permission to tear up my body, I'm not sure if that should extend to my clothes." I teased back, another clap to fix my cloak.

"Well then you better get them off quick next time." He purred, sauntering over and offering me a cup of water. I drank it eagerly, my raw throat calming markedly.

I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm, his grip firm but not too tight. "You don't let anyone else hurt you like I do, understand? Especially not yourself. If you need it again you come to me." He pressed a folded slip of paper into my hand. I stared at him dumbfounded and looked at the paper. It had a name, an address and a phone number. "That's who I am when I'm in central, I'm sure you've seen me around command before." He continued, his face changing to one of a soldier I had indeed seen before. I nodded and put my hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"I will, don't worry." I said, the bravery in my voice coming more easily than it had in months.

"Good, now get out of here before you get all sappy over me." Envy replied, his smirk and sarcastic tone seemed like a mask now that I'd seen what was underneath.

I was smiling easily on the way back to the military dormitories. As exhausted as I was I still felt lighter than I had since the accident. It was funny, I had sought Envy out for his cruelty, but what he ended up really showing me was his kindness.


	3. Envy

** Author Notes: Sequel to Kindness, still comes before Cruelty. Graphic BDSM warning, Edvy. Didn't really think this would become an all out multichap on me, but here we are. The next chapter will be post-cruelty, should I rearrange them in chronological order? Read and let me know! Hope you all enjoy!**

**Envy**

We had only had two of our 'sessions', as I guess you could call them. Every other permutation of noun or verb I tried to use to describe what we did took on a sexual connotation I wasn't entirely comfortable with. It already felt like the way things should be, and I was already feeling so much better about everything. Just knowing I had a way out, a light at the end of the tunnel of guilt and despair - even if it was only temporary - it felt really damn good. And I was fine with that. The second time was a lot less awkward, and even more satisfying. Among the spoken rules of our little arrangement, which mostly consisted of neither of us using this to the other's disadvantage, like me trying to find out more about the homunculi, or him trying to get military secrets out of me (I occasionally wondered why he sniggered when I made that one) at least one unspoken one had formed. During the aftercare we could talk totally freely. We still couldn't break any of the established rules, but anything else was fair game. I'm not sure if it was just him being in his dom mindset that did it, but I could talk to him about anything in those precious times, and the lack of mockery or derision I had found so discomforting and unfamiliar the first time became my safe haven. That haven made the easy friendship with his cover identity that much more fulfilling.

Sergeant Nathan Levi. I had seen him around before but never paid him much mind; he was almost conspicuously inconspicuous. When he sat down across from me in the mess hall and started chatting though, it felt like I'd known him forever. Knowing he was really Envy made every word I said feel like our own private joke. When I really got to looking at him he reminded of a blonde Greed, a little sharper and more delicate in his features, but I could definitely see the, family resemblance? Artistic inspiration maybe. I tried to ask him how he had the time to maintain a military identity and do… whatever it was homunculi did. He gave me a chiding finger wag and pointed out that was out of bounds. Respect for that agreement had me put aside any thoughts of checking up on him myself, but the amount of time I was spending with him got me looks that made me wonder if Mustang wouldn't do his own checking. Al seemed overjoyed I'd made a friend outside Mustang's team. As close as we were, the binds of camaraderie could be irritatingly tight at times. Levi was just a friend, a confidante. I could talk to him without worrying about what anyone else would think. A conversation with him was sometimes as much of a release as getting tied up and whipped by Envy. It was weird to think of them as the same person, and even weirder to think of them as separate people. I tried not to worry about it too much.

I started to piece together that that was just as important to me as the physical release he provided. Of all the people I knew, Envy was the only one I could be totally honest with. I could be weak, I could be selfish, I could be scared and he would just let me. I didn't have to put on a mask of strength or bravado or anger in front of him, and I loved him for it.

I nearly stumbled as that thought sent a chill down my spine. I blanched at the realization.

I _did_ love him.

I loved him for how honest and open I could be with him. I loved him for how he didn't try to fix me or make me feel better (despite the fact that that was exactly what he was doing). I loved him for how he didn't worry about me. Nothing he did made me feel guilty. I never had to worry about making him cry (how many times had I done that to Winry?). I didn't have to worry about making him mad for taking on something by myself (something I knew was always around the corner with Al or the bastard Colonel). I knew every time I saw him I could just let the mask fall and be who I was, or who I needed to be for a while so I could go back to being me. I loved him because he didn't care that I took stupid risks and was willing to throw my life away for my brother, or sometimes wanted to just give up. I loved him because he didn't love me.

This thought struck me again as I felt the whips come down on my chest. This was session number three and we'd worked out my boundaries and tolerances. Namely, that I didn't have any and just trusted Envy not to mark me up too bad. Every time I felt the rush of air before the snap I wished it would hit my face. It never did though, and the still rational part of me was glad for it. Everyone I knew was used to me covering a lot, and even Al didn't seem too bothered by me suddenly taking care to only be around him fully dressed. My face however, hiding that would be impossible, and there was so little he could that wouldn't leave a mark for at least a day. Another snap, another flash of pain across my chest and those thoughts were gone. I was too grateful for what I was getting to care anymore about what I wasn't.

"You really are something special pipsqueak." His scratchy, sardonic tone stung almost as bad as the whip. Now that we had a safeword, he had gotten bolder with the verbal abuse, which I'd found was just as gratifying as the physical. "Rather than having to suffer the agony of choice, with you I have a choice of agonies!" He laughed at that, dragging his fingers across the welts on my chest. I hissed in pain even as I arched against his touch.

"What'll it be next shrimp? The needles? The flogger? Maybe the barbed wire again? I do so love hearing you pick." His nails carved trails over my back and my legs. Doing this naked was something we were both a little hesitant to do at first, but I had gotten a better grip on my own sexual needs (so to speak) and I knew I could trust him not to take advantage (much as I wanted him to sometimes).

"H-hit me, please." I stammered out between gasps. He answered my plea by swinging his leg into my gut. I tensed up for it but the impact still rocked my whole body, pulling at my bound arms and making me struggle to keep my legs under me. He kicked my flesh leg out from underneath me and drove his knee into my stomach. Even as I gritted my teeth in pain I cracked a nostalgic smile. He was even yanking on my hair the same way as the first time we met. He slapped me twice across the cheeks and stepped back, letting me dangle from the chain. Bleary eyed as I was, I saw him drop into a boxing stance and I clenched just before the first punch fell. Part of me loved it when he worked me over with punches like this, trying to stay flexed against the barrage made me feel a bit like I was fighting back, made all the more satisfying knowing it was futile. He just hit me harder and harder until my muscles buckled. Sometimes I wondered if there was any limit to his strength. He started walking around me, taking swings almost casually. I didn't expect the chop to my chest and it knocked the wind out of me. The elbow to my ribs almost broke one, almost assuredly bruised it.

"More." I gasped out.

His foot landed on my back with such force I actually swung off the ground like a heavy bag. He caught my lower back in a lariat strike as I swung back and I cried out. If this was our first or even second session that would have given him pause, but now that I had a safeword it didn't even slow him down. I felt him tug on my hair again and drive his knee into my back. The bruises could be harder to hide than the cuts, but this was what I wanted right now, brutality.

"Yes! Hurt me!" I bellowed, I usually didn't get too vocal during these but today my mind needed the catharsis of voicing my needs as much as my body needed them fulfilled. He was meticulous in his beating, never hitting the same spot enough times to make it go numb, every punch I could feel every single one of his knuckles. "I know you've got more than that." I taunted, even as it was getting harder to breathe. He let some slack into chain and kicked me to my knees, then stepped in front of me and stood on my bruised thigh, putting his weight on it. It hurt beautifully.

"Ask whatever you wish. I won't say no." As drenched in mockery as his voice was, I knew he wasn't lying. I was tempted to push him, but we'd both worked hard for the trust we had in each other. I didn't want to lose that. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Bite me." I sniggered a bit as I mused on how many times I'd uttered those two words to people with the sole intent of pissing them off. He grinned, showing off every single one of his sharp teeth before closing them around my neck. I gasped and bucked in surprise. Even as turned on as this always got me I had still never really thought about the idea of actually having sex with Envy - if he was even really male, if that even mattered to me. His teeth moved to my chest, sharp canines dragging across my collarbone. I sucked in a breath, pressing my pecs harder against his teeth. It must have been rough for him to be able to bite me so hard without quite breaking skin. The breath I was holding onto hissed out slowly as his teeth dragged down my side, biting down hard on my hipbone. I squealed, making him laugh, sending tremors through my bones.

He drew back and came face to face with me, and suddenly I hated the expression on his face. His eyes were gentle, like his smile, not showing any teeth. His beautiful elfin face was completely unmarred by hate or anger or derision. I knew what kind of look that was.

I glared at him angrily. _How dare he look so fucking happy with me..._ "Don't you dare, fucker." I spat at him, my scowl darkening. I hoped that one would piss him off, but the only thing I saw cross his face was confusion.

"Whatever do you mean, pipsqueak?" His voice was wavering between mocking and the serious one he used, and the insult felt like an afterthought. Tears were welling up in my eyes, from a flood of emotion I didn't care to identify.

"Don't you let me think for one damn second that you love me!" I screamed at him, and slowly the anger crept back onto his face.

Good, I thought. That's better.

His hand shot to my neck and he lifted me up as he stood. His grip tightened, and as I started gasping for air, his mouth pressed to mine. It wasn't a kiss, just him brutally forcing my lips apart with his own, his grip forced my tongue out and he bit it roughly. I shivered as I felt the coppery taste fill my mouth and he pulled away, traces of my blood on his lips.

"I think you've had enough for today. I wouldn't want to break my favorite toy." He purred, the malice in his voice was comforting.

He unbound my arms and pulled me into his lap like always. I was shivering as the blood drew back from my skin. He must have noticed how cold I was as he held off on the washcloth and just wrapped me up in his embrace. It felt like he was getting warmer, but it must have been my imagination. Even last time I was still a little embarrassed about, well, everything. This time though, even completely bare and bruised, curled up in Envy's arms, I didn't even feel the need to distract myself from it, or fight the urges I already felt. I pressed my face into his chest and ran my hand idly through his hair. I wasn't shivering as much now. "What made you start doing this? I don't mean with me specifically but just… you know all of this." I was genuinely curious. He looked at me with a knowing smile.

"Come on, you know that one, it's why you came to me in the first place. I'm a sadist." Even his serious tone seemed more relaxed and light now. It was hard to tell which was the real him, but I guess they both were.

"For a sadist you take awfully good care of me." I observed with a slightly mischievous tone, nuzzling his chest absently. He snorted derisively even as he rubbed my shoulder.

"Well I wouldn't get to play with you anymore if I broke you. Haven't we had this conversation before?" He was right, we had. Every time we got to this part I prodded him about it. I couldn't say what it was but something made me feel like there was something about the whole reason he did this that he wasn't saying. He always said he was a sadist, but never said why. I suppose it was a stupid question ultimately. I decided to let it go for now.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I muttered, stretching out as I felt the warmth filling my limbs. He held the wet cloth in front of me and gave me a questioning look, I nodded and he lowered it to my skin. The pulsing bruises all over my body gradually dulled with the cold water. The motion of the rag over my skin was just as soothing as always.

"Can you heat this up? Cold then warm is best for bruises." He asked simply, indicating the tub of water next to us. I nodded weakly and clapped my hands, touching my fingers to the surface of the water, a flash and a bloom of steam accompanied the sizzling noise as I heated the water. "Thanks." He stated, again in that not quite serious tone, as he soaked the rag in the warm water. It was ecstasy when I felt it on my chest. I practically melted in his lap, the hot rag drawing blood to my skin and loosening the hardened tissue from the beating he had given me.

"So what brought on that outburst about me loving you?" His gentle tone could not hide the uncertainty behind his question. I would have frozen if there had been any tension in my muscles to pull off such a feat. His eyes met mine and I found myself compelled to answer, if only by the trust I saw in them.

"I… you just looked at me like, like you were in love." My voice dropped to a murmur as I answered him - I was deathly afraid of what his response would be, and I couldn't meet his eyes any longer. His hold on me didn't change, and the slow movement of the warm rag continued.

"Well I'm not, I just thoroughly enjoy hurting you." He said seriously, though he flashed me a mischievous grin. "Though I am curious why the idea that I would be upsets you so." I'd been afraid of that, but there wasn't any backing out now.

"You're the only one who doesn't worry about me, who doesn't try to hold me back or calm me down or trip me up." I found myself out of breath as the rant tumbled out of me. I took a deep breath and tried to collate my thoughts. "You're the only one who doesn't make me feel guilty about doing what I need to…" I gritted my teeth, preparing myself for the last part of this confession. "…and I love you for it." Again I expected him to stop, or throw me away, or, or do something. He wrung out and re-soaked the rag, its wet heat pressed into my thigh.

"You're allowed, you know," he said with the barest hint of a laugh in his voice. "Love me all you like, it won't change how I feel, but try not to get too mushy in the office, I'm sure ponyboy already thinks you and Levi are fucking." I was dumbfounded, a moment ago I had been certain that admission would have been the death knell of this whole arrangement, either out of his disgust for me or my inability to accept his affections for me. The relief and ridiculousness had laughter welling up and bursting forth, like it had been kept down by the weight of the words I hadn't said. Envy didn't seem to mind my outburst, calmly continuing to soothe my angry bruises. I gave him an impish grin and let my impetuousness continue.

"So how mushy is too mushy? Maybe you should pick a safeword, not that you'd be able to say it with my tongue down your throat." My tone was only partially sarcastic. He gave me a knowing grin, the washcloth straying dangerously close to my groin.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, I haven't even agreed to a sexual relationship with you, and as amusing as giving your boss conniptions would be, kissing isn't part of our arrangement yet." His tone was lighter and more mischievous than usual, and how he punctuated that sentence had not slipped past me.

I left feeling a mix of giddiness, elation and slight anxiety. I felt like we had taken another step in whatever sort of relationship we had going on, and it had me walking on air. At the same time, I was torn about my own feelings. Was a sexual relationship really what I wanted? Was I even attracted to Envy? Or was my frustration just my body reacting to intense physical stimulation? What was Envy anyway? I had never seen under those teasingly tight shorts, and both genders had nipples, there were plenty of women out there with flat chests. Hell, Envy was a homunculus, maybe he didn't even have a gender.

The question rose up once more in my mind. What is envy? A line from an old book I'd read answered in reply.

_Envy is joy in others' suffering, and suffering in others' joy._


	4. Sympathy

**A/N: Ubetaed! Because I'm an impatient egotist! This is the first chapter to take place chronologically after 'Cruelty' Warnings for masturbation and implied sexuality, sort of. This is why I rate things M. Enjoy!**

**Sympathy**

Envy's breakdown after our last session weighed heavily on my mind. Part of me wanted to end it there, let the illusion shatter and with it our twisted concept of a relationship. As I turned the events of that day over in my mind I realized the illusion had shattered, but not the way I first thought. Envy had shown me his true face, session after session he had been chipping away at his mask, whether he intended it or not. Could he have planned it from the beginning? Was he taking care of me this whole time so I would eventually be strong enough to be a shoulder for him to cry on? That seemed a little too well planned for Envy, but that's how it had happened all the same.

I was stronger now, I was calmer, happier, all the pent up guilt and self-loathing wasn't there to turn into anger anymore. Everyone had noticed, Al didn't ask about it, too pleased at how much happier I was to question the source. Roy hadn't asked directly, but I knew he was trying to figure it out and I knew he had figured out Levi was connected, but I was pretty sure he didn't know the whole truth of the matter. The only guilt I was unable to extinguish was that which came from having to hide this from Al. I couldn't do that to him though, I already saw on the expressionless mask of his face how it tore him up inside when he saw me hurt, there was no way I could explain to him that this is what I needed.

That fear fresh in my mind I peeked out the door, Al wasn't home, I still kept my coat on as I headed to the bathroom to grab a shower. I wasn't sure if he had noticed that I had started taking great pains to make sure I was always fully dressed around him, he hadn't brought it up, though I could tell he was a little suspicious that I started wearing a long sleeved shirt to bed. I closed the door and started getting undressed, admiring my wounds in the mirror. Most of the bruises on my upper body had faded to a just a slight yellow discoloration, but my stomach and lower back still had a few big, angry purple ones. My face flushed a bit as I traced the bite marks down my arm and torso, remembering the sharp pressure of Envy's teeth, the teasing caress of his tongue. I hurried into the shower, knowing I had precious little time before Al inevitably returned, and while I hoped he wouldn't just barge in on me in the shower, best not to chance it.

As the hot water beat down on me the welts and closed cuts on my back and chest began to sing a sweet chorus of remembered pain. As each old injury came to life the events that caused them flashed through my mind, nails, fists, teeth, whips, all of them were on me again all at once. I shuddered and groaned as my body responded, I had long since stopped thinking it wrong how much this turned me on. As I lathered the soap over myself I spent more and more time going over my erection until I was shamelessly jacking myself in the shower. Shamelessly, that was the word for it. I can't remember when it was exactly but I had stopped feeling ashamed of this, there was nothing inherently wrong with what me and Envy did, I asked for what he did to me, and he did it gladly, we didn't owe each other anything. It was perfect equivalent exchange, we both got what we wanted from each other, and while I didn't know enough about his life to say if it was making him happier in the long run, I couldn't deny it was making my whole life easier. I braced myself against the shower wall as my knees started to go weak. I remembered Envy's face, his voice, his lips and teeth as he took me in his forceful not-kiss. I sped up, my breathing was becoming shallower and quicker as the inevitable approached. I remembered his hands and nails running over my body, his chest pressed against my back. I bit my lip to try and stifle my moans, I didn't want Al to hear if he had come home without me noticing. I remembered how he held me gently afterwards, how warm and safe I felt in his arms. Tremors shook my whole body as I tensed and released, my legs almost buckling underneath me. Strength flowed back into them after a few moments and I finished my shower. As I stepped out a familiar thought swam through my head. Envy had been my dom for over a month now, and every time I found myself satisfying the need he wouldn't, I wished more and more that he would. There was no getting around it, I wanted to have sex with Envy.

I clapped my hands and the water still on me billowed off as steam. Pulling on my clothes, that thought stayed with me. I wasn't even totally certain of Envy's gender, I found myself unable to be bothered by that though, I wanted his hands on me, his lips, I wanted to touch him, feel him against my body. Dammit I just took care of this, aren't I supposed to get a grace period or something? I hurriedly buckled my belt, hoping my pants would obscure my desire until it receded. I must have been more distracted than I thought, I pushed open the door before even pulling my shirt on and saw Al sitting across the coffee table from me, reading from a pile of books he'd just acquired. Hurriedly I tried to pull my shirt on before he saw me, but I saw him look up as the door opened and knew it would be too late. "Brother I- What happened to you!?" His frightened yell made me wince under my shirt as I pulled it over myself, I had no idea what to say to him.

"It's nothing, forget it." I said dismissively, knowing he wouldn't, but hoping anyway.

"Those bruises are huge! What the hell happened?" His concern was growing into anger at my dodge. I let out a sigh as I pulled on my jacket. I was not prepared for this, stupid and shortsighted I know, but I had just hoped I could keep this a secret forever.

"Al, please, don't worry about it. I'm fine." I tried my best to just placate him and push this aside, heading to my bedroom to grab my coat and just go. A steel hand closed around my own and I found myself staring into burning eyes.

"I am not letting you just brush this off, you're not going _anywhere_ until you tell me exactly what happened to you!" I forgot how terrifying Al could be when he was angry, and his grip was strong enough to back up his threat. I dropped my gaze from his and slumped, I knew there was no getting around this, may as well just resign myself to it, more lectures, more yelling, more judgment, more shame, then a call to Envy for more pain so I could forget about it all again.

"Al, I… it gives me an outlet, ok? You know how tough this has been on both of us, losing mom, your body, then Nina, now Hughes…" My voice started to crack, my eyes were stinging but I forced it all back, I had to be strong for Al, I couldn't break down in front of him, but how could I not? When he had just seen how badly I'd already broken. "It's never anything serious, it just looks bad." I swallowed my pain and anger like soured meat, trying desperately to sound a little upbeat. Al's hand loosened and pulled away, apparently he was satisfied I wasn't going to bolt but I knew from his pensive stance that the discussion was far from over.

"Is this about punishing yourself? You think you deserve it?" There was still anger in his voice, but I could hear him trying to understand, or at least make sense of what I told him. I deliberately left out the guilt aspect, hoping to keep it ambiguous but there was no hiding from Al. I shook my head, still unable to face him.

"That's not it, it's just… dammit Al don't make me do this! You've seen how much better I've been! Can't you just let me have that?" I was pleading with him, hoping I could get him to drop this before I broke down completely, the tears were already starting to well up again. He slumped a bit like he was sighing, then knelt down in front of me, still frustratingly taller than me. He put his huge hands on my shoulders and I could feel his gaze on the top of my bowed head.

"Ed, look at me." He commanded quietly, I got the feeling he wouldn't give me the choice in another moment so I did. Looking into Al's face was always slightly disturbing, especially when he was angry. Only his eyes changed with his expression, leaving the rest of his face a blank slate to project whatever I thought he was feeling onto it. Right now all I saw was judgment, pity, but I knew it was only because what he actually felt couldn't be expressed on the cold steel. "I know you blame yourself for all of those, and I know I can't just convince you that you shouldn't, but I can't just let you hurt yourself. There's got to be a better way!" His voice was becoming desperate, his grip on my shoulders tightened slightly. He knew I needed this, but he was scared, as I started to understand that I felt some of the tension ease. I put my hand on his gently, even though he couldn't feel it I hoped it would reassure him.

"Al, I'm not hurting myself, I… I have someone who does it for me, they take good care of me, keep me from hurting myself, even when that's what I think I want." I tried to sound comforting, reassuring, even as I saw shock brighten his eyes as I spoke. "Please trust me on this Al, and please don't tell anyone else." I knew it was a lot to ask, but I couldn't have Winry or Mustang find out about this. Al could understand this, understand me, and as much as I cared about the others, no one else would. His glowing eyes narrowed somewhat, I could tell he wasn't quite satisfied yet.

"Let me see them again, I…I'll trust you if I can see they're not that bad." He said hesitantly, I could tell he was almost as uncomfortable as me at the idea. I nodded curtly, shrugging out of his grip and pulling off my jacket and shirt. It wasn't even shame or embarrassment that made me hesitate, just knowing he would worry about me was enough to twist my stomach into knots. He stared intently at the large bruises on my stomach, prodding at one of the bigger purple ones experimentally. I didn't flinch. "It doesn't hurt?" He asked, more surprised than concerned now.

"Not really anymore, don't go punching it or anything, but like I said, he takes good care of me." I said with a hint of pride, trying not to feel awkward as my little brother prodded at the evidence of my sessions with Envy.

"Who does it?" He tried hard to keep any suspicion out of his voice, innocent curiosity being his most convincing mask. I knew he wouldn't let that one go either, he was as protective as I was after all. I bit my lip as I struggled with the answer.

"It's… It's Nathan." I replied awkwardly. He'd met Envy's cover identity before and knew we were friends, they actually got along pretty well. He nodded at my answer, as if it was what he was expecting.

"…Is this all it is or are you two…" It always caught me off-guard when Al got embarrassed and shy, reminding me that he was still a fourteen year old boy inside that giant suit of armor. I blushed a little myself as he asked, I wasn't totally sure how to answer.

"Ah we uh… well we haven't yet, but I…" I couldn't suppress the smile as my blush deepened. "I do care about him, and I think we might…" I let myself trail off, knowing Al probably didn't want to hear about my sex life. I was about to have a sex life! That thought sent a thrill down my spine. Al looked me in the eye again.

"As long as you're careful brother, I don't want you to get hurt, emotionally at least since you clearly seek out physical pain." His tone was somewhere between chiding and teasing, I almost said something but he continued before I could. "I'll trust you though, you have been so much happier and less angry recently, I can't deny that this is doing something good for you, and if you and Sgt. Levi are going to… well I guess I'll trust that you know what you're doing with that too." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, instinctively I reached over and hugged Al tight.

"Thanks Al." I whispered, hoping my meager words carried the weight of what he'd done for me. As his arms closed around me, I got the feeling they did.

I could never stand pity, I hated having people worry over me, especially my brother. This wasn't quite the same thing though, he'd been through the same things I had, he knew pain and suffering as well as me, as well as anyone I would imagine. He didn't show me pity like everyone else did, behind their hands and smiles and doors, no Al showed me something I could actually treasure, something only he and Envy could possibly show me. It was something borne of knowing what real pain was. It was sympathy.


	5. Schadenfreude

**A/N: Christmas comes early for my readers! Two chapters in one day! Just couldn't stand sitting on them any longer, again Unbetaed! Also Lemon warning! Rated M for tremendous sexual content and graphic sexual situations. Also let me know if you guys think I should re-order the chapters to have Cruelty take its correct chronological place! Enjoy!**

**Schadenfreude**

It's funny how you can have something planned out in its entirety in your head, have gone over it time and time again and when the moment comes to act on it you just fall flat entirely. That's what I was going through while eating lunch in the cafeteria, sitting across from Sgt. Levi. I thought I had worked up the courage to talk to him about starting something sexual but every time I opened my mouth the words just wouldn't come. He picked up on it before too long though.

"Something you're trying to say, Major?" He was only a little mocking, I could sense his genuine concern behind that tone. I swallowed, my fingers were fidgeting and my throat was tight.

"C-can we talk somewhere private for a moment?" I managed to stammer out, figuring if we were alone this would be a lot easier. He shrugged and nodded, motioning for me to follow him as he stood and headed out of the mess hall. I followed at a safe distance, trying not to look too suspicious, but feeling like everyone in Central Command was staring right at me. As soon as I left the mess hall I saw him half standing in a doorway and waving me over before disappearing inside. I hurried over and ducked in after him, into what was apparently an unused office.

"So what's on your mind pipsqueak?" His voice slid back to his normal one, though he kept Levi's shape. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my hands – and voice – from trembling.

"I uh, well I…" I swallowed. "I wanted to talk about starting a – a sexual relationship with you." Focusing on his eyes made it easier to say, a curious reverse of a month ago. He didn't seem shocked, his eyes darted to the door before he took his preferred shape, pursing his lips in thought.

"Well, you've passed the first requirement, that is being comfortable enough to actually ask me. We trust each other enough now I think. Then there was…" His eyes darted to the floor then back to mine, I knew he meant what happened a few days earlier, when he cried in my arms. "There's just one last thing I have to do before I can agree to that." A slightly mischievous smile crept over his face as he stepped towards me.

"What's that?" My voice was slightly pinched, he'd caught me entirely by surprise with his reaction in general, I wasn't sure what to expect.

"This." He said simply, taking another step, his fingers lacing into mine and holding my hands to my sides as he placed his lips over mine in a soft kiss. After a moment of shock, I kissed him back, leaning ever so slightly against him. It was surprisingly innocent, not forceful or hungry at all. Slowly he opened his mouth and his soft, slick tongue poked at my lips, gently asking for entry. I opened to let it in, his tongue tasted so sweet, not quite like candy or fruit, just this pure sweetness like he had glucose in his saliva. He hummed happily against my mouth as his tongue slid along my lips and over my teeth, brushing against my own tongue. Our lips moved against each other in a slow dance, my tongue timidly pressing to his. I groaned unconsciously into the kiss, I hadn't even realized how much I wanted this, how satisfying it was, like a drink of cold water when I didn't know I was thirsty. Then, seemingly as soon as we had started, he pulled back, gently tugging me away by my hands. "Did you like that?" He asked, his tone oddly empty of sarcasm. I nodded stupidly, still slightly dumbfounded from the experience. His smile broadened. "Do you want more?" he added in a husky tone. Suddenly all my clothes were too tight, I managed to breathe out a low 'Yes' but further articulate speech was beyond me. He leaned close again, placing his hands on my chest and bringing his lips – and his teeth – tantalizingly close to my ear. My heart was pounding against my chest, against his hand. "Good." He purred into my ear. His low, bestial tone filled my head with fantasies as he pressed his body against mine for an instant before he hopped back and plastered on an innocent grin. "Come by my place tonight then, we'll have a _wonderful_ time." He said cheerily before taking Levi's shape and walking out. I remembered how he had promised he wouldn't use sex to torture me and considered pointing that out but by the time my mind had re-engaged he was long gone.

Five hours of anticipating that night had me wound tighter than… something unimaginably tight. I couldn't even think straight, if Al hadn't caught me heading out the door I would have forgotten to tell him entirely. He was thankfully understanding when I said I'd be spending the night at Levi's, made me quite grateful we'd had that conversation yesterday. Levi lived in the dormitories, like most of the soldiers in Central. I was a little surprised he didn't have a house somewhere, but I supposed living in the dormitories lent credibility to his low ranking cover. My natural curiosity was something I had to learn to keep suppressed, I knew it was pointless to ask him about his life outside our encounters. Every so often though, I'd start to wonder about his other identity, if he had any more, that sort of thing. I almost barged in without knocking, so lost in my own thoughts. I debated on if I should knock or not, entering unannounced would probably be suspicious but the halls were empty so knocking would only rouse attention. I was in the middle of this thought process when the door opened and Levi pulled me in. As soon as the door closed behind me he took his preferred shape, leering at me in a way I would have found terrifying before, now it just made me more excited. "I'd give you the grand tour, but something tells me I've made you wait long enough, c'mere." He grabbed my hand and tugged me along towards the door to the bedroom.

It was nice in here for a military dorm, especially for a Sergeant. I'm not sure what I expected but even in the relative darkness of the unlit living room the place looked lived in, books and clothes lay on the couch and dishes in a variety of states of cleanliness littered the kitchen counter. The door to the bedroom flew open and Envy dropped my hand. I took a quick glance around the room, captivated by the dresser in the corner. On it were picture frames, seemed like dozens. All family or couple portraits, some painted or drawn but most were photos. All of them damaged in some way, either the glass smashed or one of the faces torn out. One picture frame lay face down on the dresser.

Casually Envy pulled his tank-top off as he walked towards the bed. It was situated in the middle of the room, rather than shoved into a corner like most dorms. _Clearly placed for people to get into it from either side_. I found myself unable to be concerned about the implications of the bed's placement as Envy slid his shorts down and stepped out of them. I could swear his hips never swayed that much when he walked normally, but then this was the first time I had stared at his ass this intently. That thought took a moment to sink in. Envy was _strutting_ his naked body in front of me, every pale inch was so perfect. Just a step or two in front of the bed I lunged for him, wrapping my arms over his chest and pressing my body into his back. My face was pressed into his hair, I always expected it to be coarse, the way it split into spikes like it did, but it was unimaginably soft. His smell was positively intoxicating, it was sweet like the taste of his tongue, but tinged with a slightly musky scent. I pressed my face into his neck, drinking in his scent as my hands roamed his chest and belly. I felt him gasp against me as my cold steel hand brushed over his nipple. "Do you want to take me like this?" His voice was a husky whisper, and sounded more feminine than usual. He pressed himself against me, grinding his ass on the bulge in my pants wantonly. I knew his offer was serious, and I considered it for a moment, he was already extending his arms to brace himself on the bed. The heat building in my core told me to just unzip and take his offer, advice my hips were eager to follow, but I wanted more. I wanted to feel more of his skin on mine, take my time and savor this.

"No, not yet." I groaned into his ear, totally at odds with what my body was saying. My hands drifted downwards, almost to his groin as he stepped out of my grip and crawled onto the bed.

"Good, even I like a little foreplay before getting straight to it now and then." He said teasingly as he turned onto his back, keeping his legs together and bent so as to obscure his crotch, rubbing them against each other coquettishly. I managed to keep myself from following him just long enough to get undressed. I can't recall a time I had ever gotten out of my clothes more quickly, and didn't miss his pleased noise when I pulled my pants off. I always rolled my eyes when I'd hear or read about someone having a 'come hither' look, as if an expression could convey that kind of meaning, seemed silly before. Now, looking into Envy's face; his eyelids half-closed in desire, mouth slightly open, eyes fierce and wanting. He couldn't have expressed the concept of 'come and take me now' more completely in any amount of words.

Even when he was domming me, or when I masturbated, I always had this part of my mind that stayed detached, observing everything scientifically. As I observed the naked form beneath me, this heartbreakingly beautiful…thing, even it was lost. Every inch of him embodied the golden ratio, the divine proportion. His hands, feet, arms, legs, fingers toes and everything was all so inhumanly perfect. No matter how my mind tried to measure and compare his disparate parts, everything always came down to that perfect ratio. It was staggeringly beautiful, and horrific. Nothing made him so inhuman to my eyes, not his shapeshifting, not his terrible strength, but this mind-boggling perfection set him forever apart from all humanity. Part of me was disgusted by this otherness, and part of me was fascinated.

I drank in the sight of him, still coyly covering himself with his legs. I started at his feet, his toes. He had beautiful toes, soft, clean, free of callouses. Toes were ugly! No one had attractive toes, it just didn't happen, but Envy, in his inhuman perfection… I gently wrapped his foot in my hands, stroking my flesh fingers along it, so perfectly smooth. In a moment of impetuousness, I pulled his foot to my mouth and sucked his middle toe. The noise he made was - adorable is the only way to put it. Half surprised gasp, half satisfied groan. It had the sweet musky taste his scent teased, it wasn't anything like I imagined a toe would taste, I decided I had to taste the rest of him, see how consistent this was. I slid my tongue over the top of his foot before lifting his leg and licking my way down his calf. His moans made the heat building in my belly grow and tighten. I spread his legs with no resistance as I planted kisses along his inner thigh.

He grinned lasciviously as I unconsciously licked my lips at the sight. Like the rest of him, his genitals were perfect. I wasn't surprised at all he had male parts, androgynous as he was, he did always come off a bit more masculine, at least to me. His cock was gorgeous, half-engorged and laying lazily against his belly. I reached out to cup his perfect balls, the skin was smooth and hairless. His moans rose and fell as I gently squeezed and stroked them, slowly bringing my face closer. He was fully erect now, whether it was the strain of his desire or just the natural shape of it his erection had a very slight upward curve to it, a fact I mused on as I kissed along the underside of experimentally. Here his skin wasn't as sweet, but his musky scent was even more intoxicating, I felt drunk with it as I took his tip into my mouth. That apparently caught him by surprise, letting out a sharp cry of pleasure as my tongue teased the hole. I wrapped the fingers of my flesh hand around his shaft as my steel hand stroked his belly. Slowly I took more of him into my mouth, sliding my lips down his length and letting my tongue rub up and down along it. He keened with desire as I sucked him, I could feel the tension in his legs as he fought the need to thrust into my mouth. I began moving up and down on him, letting my teeth drag along the underside of his cock as I pulled away. Several strokes of this and his breathing quickened, I felt tremors move through his hips and sped up, he was clearly enjoying this. I wasn't surprised when I felt his hands in my hair, but I was when he pushed me off, freeing himself from my lips. "Not yet." He gasped, and a second later I grasped what he meant.

I leant back down and kissed his navel, eliciting a groan of contentment. Taking my time I inched up his body, planting kisses and soft bites along his torso as I dragged my chest and stomach across his swollen length teasingly. When I reached his nipple I stopped to suck at it. He ran his hand through my hair and gently held my head to his chest, desire pinching his breaths as they came in short hot bursts. I squeezed the hard bud between my teeth and he let out a cry, half pain and half pleasure as he arched his body against me. I smiled into his chest and continued my trek up his body, leaving another bite on his collarbone and neck before capturing his lips. I pressed my hips against his as we kissed, his erection pressing against mine as my tongue demanded entry. His lips parted and his hips rose against me, every movement of his body burned with hunger for me. He wanted me, no he _needed _me. Every sound, every breath, every slight twitch of muscle was calling out for me to save him from this need. I broke the kiss and looked at him. I had never imagined someone could look so wanton, so shameless in their desire. I frowned as I realized what he was doing.

"Stop it Envy." I said simply, keeping myself pressed against him so he knew I wasn't mad or about to leave.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, genuinely confused, the lustful breathlessness still lacing his voice.

"You're just doing what you think I want, we should be equals now, I want to do something you want." I replied honestly, nuzzling his neck. He pulled me tightly to him, flexing his whole body against me with a pleased moan before releasing me, spreading his legs slightly.

"Alright, if you insist." I looked him in the eyes and nodded as he spoke. He leaned up to my ear and breathed two words against it, the desire behind them more powerful and more sincere than anything he had done since we entered the bedroom. "Rape me."

A month ago I would be dumbstruck by such a demand, confounded by the contradiction of the statement as much as disgusted by the desire. That was a different me though, and he wasn't here right now. The me with Envy's legs spread in front of him, his whole body aching for me, the tiniest hint of fear in those violet eyes, knew precisely how to answer such a demand.

Before his hands even fell to the bed I had swept them both into the grip of my automail hand, my other hand pinning his hip to the bed as I moved to position myself at his entrance. Committed to his demand, he didn't simply lie back and take it either. His legs swung into me with clumsy kicks, wary of drawing back enough to actually get enough force to push me off for fear of just exposing himself further. His arms jerked uselessly against my grip on his wrists, he tried to writhe his whole body away from me but I had all the leverage I needed. A few misaimed and haphazardly dodged thrusts and I was in him. He let out a pained cry at my first penetrating thrust, and tried to clench me out, rock his hips in such a way to spoil the angle I had on him, but I followed him move for move, my brutal thrusts going deeper and deeper every time. Each thrust was accompanied by a scream, just judging by the way he felt around me this had to be agony. He was all tight heat and pressure, I pounded away at muscular rings that strained against my cock, trying to force me out but only drawing me in deeper. Screams gave way to pained cries as he struggled uselessly against me. I released his hands to grip his hips with both of mine and he punched and clawed impotently at me. I leaned down and kissed him roughly, biting at his lips and tongue. He pounded at my back and screamed into my mouth before I pulled away. I leaned back, sitting upright and lifting his hips to be cradled in my own. The change in angle allowed me a deep, smooth thrust all the way into him.

A startled cry of pure pleasure escaped him as I hit home, thrusting again it turned into a deafening keening of ecstasy. Even he couldn't maintain the pretense of force anymore, entwining his legs behind my back and pulling me in deeper as he slowly encircled my neck with his arms, kissing me deeply as I drove into him. He held me close, whispering desperate pleas into my ear as his hips bucked against me urgently. I obliged happily, filling him again and again with hard, strong strokes. One of his hands trailed down my back, along my side to move between us. I grabbed it and pinned his wrist to the bed, knowing what he was up to. "Ed… P-please…" He stammered out between gasps, rolling his hips to try and rub himself against my stomach, his erection straining for gratification.

"Let me, we'll come together." I released his wrist and wrapped my hand around his cock, reflexively he tried to thrust into it, but I moved along with him, depriving him of the friction he was desperate for. His breathing was too fast to allow for any more words, although I could swear I heard 'Hurry' in between those desperate breaths. I felt myself getting close, and began slowly rubbing him. A strained cry escaped him as he tensed against me, I knew he was on the edge and it would take little to push him over. In time with my own thrusts I jacked him eagerly, and before my fourth stroke we were both gasping and crying in pleasure, his cum coating my hand as I pressed into him as hard as I could, my cock twitching and pulsing as the wave of orgasm rolled over my body, hyper-sensitivity following the wave of numbness as my seed poured into him. I was locked in this arched position, thrust as deep as I would go. I had never felt anything like this before, never had an orgasm on this level. I had no idea how long I was frozen in that position, but when it ended and the tension eased, my whole body fell limp and ached with the effort. I collapsed into Envy's arms, which wrapped around me gently. He let out a very satisfied sigh as he kissed and nuzzled my face.

"Mmmmmm that was _fun_." He cooed, running one hand through my hair as the other stroked my back. I kissed his neck gently, my breath coming too fast and too hard to speak just yet. Our heartbeats pounded against each other as our chests swelled and deflated with our heavy breaths. He recovered before I did, but before long I found myself able to breathe normally as well. I pulled out and slid off him, laying on my side against him. He continued stroking my hair, fingertips lightly caressing my scalp. "How do you feel?" He asked simply, I looked for the concern or worry in his voice but didn't find it.

"Amazing." I replied quietly, nestling into his chest and throwing my arm over him. I felt his soft chuckle and he pulled me closer.

"Good, I'm glad I was right about you being ready for this." He sounded so relaxed, his voice was like silk without that rasp that usually accompanied it. I liked it. I expected to be exhausted, to be fighting unconsciousness. I was tired, naturally, my muscles still ached from the strain yes, but I felt fantastically awake, the rush still working its way through my system. I looked up at him, preparing to give voice to a thought that I'd had since I came here.

"You know, I kind of thought you would be, you know, the one on top?" It was more of a statement but my uncertainty made it come off more like a question. He chuckled again.

"I had you figured for a bottom, but after teasing you with that kiss at lunchtime I didn't want to make you wait any more than you had to, and your first time we'll have to take it slow." His voice was warm and soothing, I didn't even miss his mocking tone now, this just felt good, and I loved that. Maybe I was getting better after all.

"Tomorrow morning then?" I asked eagerly, squeezing him tight. He looked down at me and let out a laugh.

"So eager! Sure, tomorrow morning." He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. As the rush began to ebb I felt exhaustion catching up with me, it was the only thing keeping from insisting on going again tonight. Instead I nodded against his chest and let our legs entwine as my eyelids became heavy. I dreamt of soft touches and warmth, of purple eyes and impish grins.

It was still dark in the room when I woke up. I was laying on my back, staring at the ceiling. My first thought was that Envy had gone, my arms were splayed out across the bed and he wasn't in either of them. I felt lines of warmth dragging down my sides and up my thigh. I looked down and saw Envy laying between my legs, leaning his head against my leg. "Good Morning." He sang cheerily, nuzzling my crotch affectionately. For the first time I was glad for the usually frustrating phenomenon of morning wood.

Before I could even yawn out a reply he was kissing my legs, dragging his tongue over the ridges of scars peeking out of the automail port on my thigh. They didn't hurt in the traditional sense, but the nerves in my stumps were damaged so where the missing or frayed nerves were, instead of normal touch sensation I got pins and needles, sparks and static. The end result had me gasping and clenching my fists in the sheets. He slid his hand down my flesh leg, his soft fingers exploring the tan skin. Tender pads caught on the rough skin of knee, feeling each tiny rise and crevice of the cracked and dry flesh. As he kissed his way up my other thigh, licking at the crevice where my leg joined my hip teasingly, I realized something. Just as last night I had positively _worshipped_ at the altar of his physical perfection, he was enthralled by my flaws. From my scars and blemishes, to the budding hairs crawling up my abdomen, all the way to the positively grotesque distortions of flesh that were my missing arm and leg. He adored them, whether it was exploring with his fingers, or teasing with his tongue, every imperfection of my body was thoroughly attended to.

I writhed underneath him as his lips ghosted over my chest, kissing and licking at the puckered scar adjoining the steel plates of my shoulder. I dug my face into his shoulder as he moved up my body, breathing deeply of his heady scent. I swung my flesh arm over his back and dug my fingers in, pulling him close as I lifted myself against him, hungry for the feel of him against me. "Envy…" I moaned shamelessly, flexing my erection against him.

"No need to rush, we've got plenty of time." He purred as he slid back down between my legs, slipping his hands under my knees. I let out a louder moan than I intended when his lips closed around the head of my cock. My hips bucked against him reflexively, he simply took the rest into his mouth with a satisfied groan. I felt his tongue undulating against my sensitive length as he sucked me gently. I whined in pleasure as I thrust into his mouth, unable to control myself. Another loud moan escaped my lips and my breath quickened, I was getting close already. He pulled off of me and flashed me a wry grin. "Ah ah ah, not yet, you wanted me to top you first didn't you?" He chided, my flushed cheeks felt even hotter as he gave voice to my desires. I nodded weakly and he lowered his head once more, lifting my legs up as he did so. I cried out in surprise as I felt his tongue probe my entrance. It felt strange before it felt good, but as he continued his slow dance over the tight ring I began to see the appeal, breathing deep and losing myself in the sensation. He must have felt me relax because that was when I felt his tongue start to push in. I moaned his name again as I felt his tongue work its way into me. It was a struggle to keep my hips still, I wanted to feel something more, something deeper. I wanted him to fuck me.

Slowly he withdrew his tongue, I could feel drops of excess saliva rolling down my buttocks. He shrugged my legs onto his shoulders and rose to a kneeling position, I sucked in a breath in anticipation of his first plunge. I was a little disappointed when it wasn't his cock I felt next, but his hand cupping my ass and brushing a fingertip over my hole. It was still slick from his tongue, and in slow, circular motions he began to push his finger into me. His free hand was on my stomach, caressing me soothingly. Sharp cries of pleasure erupted from my throat as each segment of his finger worked its way past the muscular ring, I felt the heat within me building, and wondered if this was how it had felt for Envy the other night. It was like there was a fire inside and his fingers were stoking the coals, the heat radiating further and further outwards. I clenched as he tried to withdraw his finger, the friction as it slid out against my tightened muscles was indescribable. As he slid back in the radiating heat became sharp lines of warmth, shooting along lines of nerves and muscles through my abdomen. He withdrew again, thrust again, and the heat flowed up through my cock, gathering in the head. I writhed on his finger, silently begging for more. Gratifyingly he obliged, I felt a second finger push in alongside the one already inside. I gasped and forced myself to take and release a few deep breaths. It wasn't painful the way I thought it would be, but it was a strain, like trying to lift something you knew you couldn't. He just held both fingers inside for a long moment, letting me adjust to them. Before I realized it I was pressing into his hand, trying to force him deeper. He saw this and began slowly pumping his fingers in and out, my gasps turned into moans as he thrust his fingers into me. I cried out as I tried to thrust against him, needing more than his fingers could give me.

I felt cold and empty as he withdrew his fingers, whimpering for more as I drew my legs back even further, as if I could make myself more open for him. He moved closer, lifting my legs off his shoulders and holding them high and apart. I gasped when I first felt his tip brush against me. A few moments later and it pressed tantalizingly against my entrance. "Yes…" I drawled out, drunk with lust as I tried to press him into me. With a soft gasp, he pressed the head into me, sliding past my tight ring. We both moaned as my hips chased him, wanting more of him, him moving with me to keep from going any deeper yet. After what felt like far too long he sat still and let me thrust onto him. I pushed as far as I could, grinding against him for all I was worth. He must have only gone in another inch, if that, but it was ecstasy as he slid in just that little bit further. I pried my eyes open to look up at him, he was panting, his own eyes half-closed and clouded with desire. Our gazes met and he leaned into me. I didn't really think he could even go any deeper, he pressed onward but there was nowhere to go. The pressure he was putting on me intensified along with the heat, I gritted my teeth against the strain. I wanted to let him in further, but my body wouldn't obey. I writhed on him, trying to work him In deeper and was rewarded with a cry of pleasure from him as I clenched on him. His hips bucked forward and he was fully sheathed in me, my movement letting him in deeper. I could feel him tense as I screamed, but quickly wrapped my arms around his shoulders to make sure he knew he wasn't hurting me. He held himself still, letting me adjust to him. I didn't dare move either, this was beyond what I could have imagined, or prepared myself for. Slowly the tension subsided, I was able to feel his cock, not just the blinding heat and pressure it caused. Experimentally I gave him a squeeze, drawing a rough gasp from him. I looked into his eyes again and nodded encouragingly. He nodded back and leaned over me, lowering my legs to his sides. I wrapped my legs around him, terrified he might slip out. I wanted to hold onto this sensation forever. I whined as he slid out, and gasped when he pushed back in. He kept a slow, shallow rhythm, every small thrust making me cry out.

We slowly rocked back and forth like that for a while, the heat and excitement building in both of us. It was a peculiar frustration, I knew this alone couldn't bring me to orgasm, but by that same token, that meant it wouldn't _stop_, and at that moment I would have been perfectly happy with that. Even without him touching it, my erection tensed and throbbed with pleasure, dull heat moving up it as he worked within me. I looked down and saw a drop of precum glistening at the tip of my cock. Envy followed my gaze and smiled, bending down and licking it off, letting his tongue drag along it. I shuddered and thought for a moment I might cum right there, but he pulled away and wrapped his fingers around me, tugging gently. "N-no, not yet." I managed to stutter out even as I thrust into his hand. He gave me a questioning look as his hand stopped. "I want to… together, please." I had to force the words out between gasps as I rocked back and forth on him.

"You're kind of fixated on that aren't you?" He replied in an almost mocking tone, leaning down and slipping one arm around the small of my back.

"-quivalent excha- AH!" Stars exploded in my eyes as he lifted me off the bed and into the cradle of his hips, the change in angle spearing him straight into what I would later realize was my prostate. I tightened my grip on him, pulling myself flush against his chest. I kissed his face and neck encouragingly, between sharp cries of ecstasy as his every long thrust bumped that wonderful spot within me. I could tell he shifted position like this so he would cum sooner, but rather than speed up, he slowed down. Even as his breath quickened and his face contorted with effort, he lifted into me slowly and purposefully. His heartbeat pounded against my chest, his whole body was taut as he fought to keep his languid pace. When he shuddered and cried out I realized the purpose of it, he was savoring every inch, taking time to let himself feel every sensation where our bodies met. My cries grew louder and more urgent, screaming his name as I begged for release. He was whimpering with need as his slow thrusts became harder, grinding against me before he withdrew for another. I knew he was close when I felt him start stroking me again. I looked into his eyes, silently pleading before covering his lips with mine, his tongue immediately slipping out to dance with mine. I wanted to kiss longer, but neither of us had the breath to spare, I broke away and let go, arching against him before falling back onto the bed. His loud keening filled my ears as he came, and at first I thought the hot droplets on my chest and stomach were his before my orgasm overtook me. Feeling him cum in me was amazing, his cock swelled and pulsed as his desire flowed into me in long spurts, hot even against the immense heat inside me.

We were both panting heavily, I felt at once as heavy as lead and as light as helium. The look I saw on Envy's face – I had never seen before – exhaustion, contentment, and a lingering mischief creeping along his lips. I was still panting when he pulled out, interrupting my heavy breathing with a gasp. He leaned over me and started licking my stomach and chest, lapping up my cum I realized. Somehow it was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. When he finished he looked down at my softening cock, and evil gleam in his eye as he closed his lips around the tip, licking the remainder of my ejaculate off. "Ah! Envy! Fuck!" I screamed as his attentions were too much for me, still sensitive from the orgasm. He released me and sniggered, crawling up my body and laying flush against me.

"That was fun too, we may just have to keep switching back and forth." He said conversationally, nuzzling my cheek affectionately.

"Suits me just fine." I replied, finally starting to catch my breath. I lazily threw my arms over him, unable to coax my neck into letting me nuzzle him back. He made a satisfied noise against my neck and kissed it softly. I gasped a little, still astonishing myself with how even the littlest gesture from him could have such an effect on me. I wanted to drift back to sleep, but I could see the sunlight creeping through the curtains and knew another nap was something I wouldn't be able to afford right now, if only I could have held off until the weekend to do this.

"Shower?" He asked impishly, I only groaned as he sat up, looking down at me with a mock disappointment on his face. "Come on, you know you need one, and it'll be more fun together." He climbed off me and started dragging me along, I was fairly certain he would happily just drag me to the shower if I refused to cooperate.

My head began to clear under the hot water, my thoughts coming in to focus as the fog of exhaustion and sex washed away. Envy was all over me, washing and caressing sensually without necessarily trying to arouse. _When have I ever felt this comfortable with someone else taking care of me?_ The events of the last month played out in my head as Envy's fingers worked through my hair. _Where would I be if Envy had never made his offer? If I hadn't taken it? Still suffering in silence, crying behind my mask of anger and determination. Or maybe falling into self-mutilation as I sought a release from the pain._ My hands were on him now, lathering soap over his gorgeous body, sweeping my hand across the softened muscles of his abdomen. _How lucky am I that Envy exists at all? That he's the kind of person I could do this with?_ Happy sighs escaped him as I washed him lovingly, pulling him close to me so we were both under the narrow stream from the showerhead, holding him in my embrace as we rinsed off. _To think of how much he must have suffered, how long had he held onto that pain before he broke down in my arms that night? Where would I be if I he hadn't? We might never have reached this point if he hadn't had to live such a life._ I turned him around to face me and held his face as I kissed him. It was a soft kiss, gentle and almost innocent. It felt like an apology.

_How much happiness have I gained from his suffering?_


	6. Leviathan

**Author Notes: Suggestive Edvy, one-sided Royai, mentions of Minor Attraction. This one's a little different, instead of Ed narrating we get to have Roy tell us all about what's been going on with Ed from his perspective! Fun stuff. The next chapter, which will be the final one planned (but remember this whole thing started as a oneshot so we'll see) Will be from Envy's perspective! Enjoy!**

**Leviathan**

One of the first things I learned when given command of soldiers is that it is of vital importance to understand the moods and habits of those soldiers until they become second nature. Especially in the disciplined ranks of the military, knowing the subtle tics and body language of your troops can be intelligence of even more vital importance than that of knowing the enemy's movements.

This is one of the reasons I made sure to take my team with me from the Eastern Command. I knew them better than anyone else, in some cases better than they knew themselves. I could tell you Breda's mood by which corner of his desk he set his coffee on, Havoc's cigarettes were more telling than a conversation with him. Even Lt. Hawkeye's stony demeanor was easy to read, when you knew what to look for.

Then there was the matter of the newest recruit under my command. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, was not a creature of subtlety or restraint. It made him easy to read though. There is no more transparent mask than anger. I was the only one in the military who had even met the Elrics before Edward became a state alchemist. I had seen firsthand what Edward had to pull himself out of to get here and while he had become a master of channeling his grief and anguish into determination, part of me ached knowing how he still held onto it.

Much as I wanted to reach out to him and offer him some kind of comfort or respite from his suffering, I knew he wouldn't accept it. He was too proud, too stubborn and too determined to take all the pain onto himself to spare those near him to accept the comfort of someone else. That's what I told myself anyway. The truth was that I didn't trust myself. For all that I had become the surrogate father to him, I had long since passed the point where I could lie to myself about what I actually wanted to be to him. No point in pursuing that thought though. Even if that was what he wanted, I was his commanding officer, over a decade his senior, it just wouldn't work.

It was with that thought fresh in my head when I noticed Fullmetal standing in my office. Had I not heard him come in? There was no crash of a door being kicked in, no stream of curses or shouting. Something was definitely wrong. I managed to hide my shock with practiced discipline as I regarded him. He looked fine, which was odd. No bags under his eyes, his clothes weren't rumpled and creased like he'd slept in them, even his hair was relatively tidy, for him at least.

"You wanted to see me Colonel?" He finally asked, the faintest hint of confusion in his voice, I realized I hadn't said anything yet despite him standing in my office a solid minute. I had in fact requested him to be in my office at eight, I glanced at the clock: it was 7:48.

"You're early." I kept my voice as even as I could. This was getting positively surreal.

"Should I come back?" Sarcasm was nothing new from Fullmetal, but I'd never seen him deliver it so calmly and evenly, the lack of explanation was irksome but pressing it wouldn't get me anywhere.

"You didn't kick down the door."

"Fuery was counting something, didn't want to throw him off." Fullmetal had never been a good liar, even for a teenager his deceptions were amateurish. I'd lost count of how many tells he had, which is why it was infuriating I hadn't spotted any with that statement.

"You actually addressed me as 'Colonel'."

"That's your rank isn't it? I thought this was a briefing." There was no anger in his voice, it even carried the faintest hint of a chuckle.

"Who are you and what have you done with the Fullmetal Alchemist?" I kept my voice even so I could play it off as a joke if I was wrong, but I knew from Barry's intel that there was a shapeshifting homunculus at large, and right now I couldn't really be sure I wasn't staring at it.

"Do I have to break something to start this briefing? Usually you can't wait to give me more work." He rolled his eyes and slouched slightly as he spoke, the universal signs of a teenager running out of patience. As silly as the whole event seemed in hindsight, I was ready to snap if his answer hadn't satisfied me.

Something was going on with Fullmetal. As much as I hated to be suspicious of him suddenly acting calmer, I knew drastic behavioral changes were often signs something was very wrong. That was not a chance I could afford to take.

I gave it more thought and discreetly kept an eye on him throughout the day. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary (other than his inexplicably cheery attitude). Around noon however he seemed suspiciously eager to get to the mess hall. His sizeable passion for eating aside, he'd usually just work until hanger pangs kicked in then sulk down to the mess hall and eat everything in sight. I'd never seen him this eager to get there at a specific time. I followed after a few minutes and as I scanned the lunch crowd for him I noticed him sitting next to a somewhat familiar Sergeant.

Nathan Levi. I'd seen him around before, a desk sergeant in Intelligence. He'd never really caught my attention, apart from being slightly more witty and sarcastic than the other office staff I'd never really noticed anything particular about him. Part of me thought it was perfectly normal for Ed to make friends in Central Command outside of my team, he'd been here long enough after all, he was bound to run into the same people a few times and get along with some of them. The rest of me knew better, there was nothing 'perfectly normal' about Edward, even the most determined would-be friend would eventually be rebuffed, Fullmetal had no time for friends or fun or anything that wasn't getting him closer to restoring Alphonse. That fact made this whole situation all the more worrisome.

Even with almost no knowledge of the man his body language wasn't hard to read. The way he and Ed were sitting, somewhat close but slightly turned away, the way they gestured as they spoke, to an untrained observer one would just think they were acquaintances. I could read much more though, there was something going on between them, and they didn't want it getting out. The way Levi looked at Ed as they spoke was sparking a feeling I wasn't willing to admit I had just yet, but there was no denying it when I saw the way Ed smiled back at him and my heart sank.

I had to fight for a moment to maintain my composure. Dammit I was supposed to be over this insane infatuation! Here I was getting jealous over a relationship I couldn't even confirm existed. As telling as their body language was, it wasn't proof, even to me. No, I needed to have a word with Levi, alone if possible, if only to satisfy my own masochistic curiosity. To that end I wandered over to them as casually as I could with my plate of food, already working out what I would say.

They were chattering back and forth as I approached, neither apparently noticing me. I couldn't quite hear what they were saying over the din of the mess hall until I got close, and what I heard instantly made curious about what they had been discussing.

"…Mustang." Edward stated confidently, eliciting a hearty laugh from Levi.

"You know what they say about speaking of the devil, Fullmetal." I said by way of announcement, not missing the slight blush and partial fear reaction he gave, clearly afraid I'd heard the question he was replying to with my name.

"And you know I don't believe in superstitious nonsense, besides, I would hope the actual devil would have slightly loftier plans than pestering me day in, day out." Fullmetal replied around a mouthful of potatoes. Levi gave a slight chuckle at that comment, trying not to look like he was evaluating me as carefully as I was considering him. The look on his face was unassailable confidence, utterly unbothered by my intrusion. He remained silent, leaving me to make the first move.

"So who's your friend? I didn't think there was anyone else in Central Command who could put up with your terrible manners." Not my best jab at Fullmetal, but I didn't want to risk putting both of them on the defensive.

"Sergeant Nathan Levi, sir. Pleased to meetcha." He gave a lazy salute before extending his hand, I shook it firmly and was surprised at how soft his skin was, and he didn't try to outdo my grip. I had gotten used to other soldiers either falling into the dead fish of apathy or turning handshakes into a competition of strength, his calm acceptance caught me by surprise, not that I let on.

"That salute was pretty pathetic, Sergeant." I replied, sounding a little more cold and official than I intended.

"Oh come now Colonel, we're all grunts in the mess hall aren't we? Relax a little." His reply was friendly, gregarious even, but the smile on his face didn't quite reach his eyes. I'd have to choose my next words carefully. Fullmetal bought me some thinking time with an interjection.

"Ya what gives, Colonel? You never eat down in the in the mess hall anymore. You must really be slipping on your paperwork if there's no room on your desk for a cup of coffee anymore." Usually he was more enthusiastic when he actually thought of a decent jibe, and that one wasn't bad, for Fullmetal that is. Even Levi risked a snigger at that one.

"You haven't grown in so long I had to make sure were eating properly." Not one of my more inspired ones I'll admit, but it sufficed to get Fullmetal acting more familiar.

"Who are you calling so stunted he'll always be knee high to a caterpillar!?" Ed roared, spraying chunks of what may have been sausage.

"You of course, pipsqueak." Levi cut in, giving Ed a bop on the head, it would have looked like a sign of friendly horseplay from a distance, but from my vantage point it seemed almost like a caress. Maybe I was just projecting but there was more there than I was meant to notice.

"Don't call me pipsqueak." Fullmetal whined, rubbing his head in an exaggerated gesture. The fact that Levi's actions didn't provoke another tirade told me enough to know I needed to know more. I began eating, formulating my questions for Levi when I could get him alone. The fine art of interrogation; asking questions without revealing what you were after, was something I had learned a fair bit of from Hughes. I wished he was here, I could really use his help right now.

The both of them went back to eating as well, Fullmetal occasionally eyeing Levi's plate. "See something you like, Major?" Levi asked, his tone just sultry enough to be a little embarrassing for Fullmetal. Ed rolled his eyes at the remark and held up his dessert almost threateningly.

"You like sweets don't ya? I'll trade you my sweet bun for your sausage." Fullmetal offered somewhat indignantly, a smirk spread across Levi's face that turned into a leer as his expression made clear to Ed the joke at his expense, eliciting a blush from him. Levi snatched the bun from Ed's hand and stuffed it into his mouth, spurring Ed to spear the sausage on Levi's plate and devour it as if he'd just stolen it. The indignant looks they exchanged as they chewed their traded food would have been hilarious if it had been anyone else watching. I just felt… no. Not jealousy. That couldn't be it.

I continued eating, feigning indifference to their antics, but keeping a furtive eye on them. Ed obviously felt something for Levi, what precisely I couldn't pin down, transparent as Ed was it made his body language as confused as his mind must have been. Levi on the other hand was almost impossible to read, at first I thought he was toying with Ed, but I caught a look in his eye that told me that was wrong. I was the one he was toying with, he knew I was trying to figure him out and was masterfully confounding me. What I'm sure he realized is that I was certain to deduce the nature of his deceptions. He had to cast off a mask to don the one he was wearing, it wasn't much but it was enough for me to use. As if it was the cue he was waiting for, Levi pushed away from the table and stood.

"I should get back to it, the paperwork's been piling up today, if I don't get on it I'll be here all night." He effected a tired tone as he spoke, and I didn't miss the slightly hurt expression on Ed's face as Levi turned to go, which he calmed with a gesture and a look, clearly meant only for Ed, but I could read its intent easily; 'We'll talk later'.

I watched him exit the mess hall, judging by the way he went I could easily cut him off if I left by the other door. My plate was empty enough that I could probably leave without being too suspicious. It was worth risking, I decided. "I'd better get back to work as well, stay out of trouble Fullmetal." He waved me off casually, pretending to glad to be rid of me, but I could tell he was suspicious of my sudden departure.

I walked out the other door just in time to catch Levi passing it. "Sergeant." I intoned the word forcefully, but not angrily. He stopped and turned, flashing a smile as pleasant as it was artificial.

"What can I do for you Colonel?" He asked obediently, his smile twisting into a wry grin.

I strode over to him until I was close enough that I could be confident I could avoid being overheard if I needed to. "You can tell me what your game is Levi, what's your connection to Fullmetal?" It was ambiguous enough but the smirk on his face told me he knew exactly what I was really asking.

"We're just friends, I ran into him a few times in the mess hall and we just shoot the breeze, what's the big deal?" His tone was a perfect mask of confusion and dismissal, ending on a note of indignity. He was convincing enough I began to wonder if I was just being paranoid, but I remembered the looks he and Ed had exchanged.

"I don't buy it, he's been acting strange recently and you're the only anomaly, what's really going on?" I was getting dangerously close to him, I was hardly any taller but that didn't make me any less threatening at the moment. He made a good act of looking scared, but the autonomic responses were missing, an act was all it was.

"I really don't have a clue what you're talking about, you sure he doesn't just have a girlfriend you don't know about?" I should have controlled my temper, that shouldn't have gotten to me like it did, but without even knowing it I had pulled the Sergeant up by his collar and was growling in his face.

"You're lying! I know something's going on here, just what are you doing to Edward?" I somehow had the presence of mind to keep my voice low enough not to attract attention, and fortunately the hallway was pretty barren. The expression on his face filled me with dread as he gave his answer.

"Only what he asks me to." The statement was infuriating enough by itself, but the utter sincerity behind it stuck in me like a blade of ice. My eyes raked over his face, my mind replaying his statement over and over again searching for some tic, some lilt, some sign that he was lying. I couldn't, there was nothing to find, nothing dishonest about what he'd said. "You might want to put me down, wouldn't want anyone seeing you assaulting a subordinate now would we?" His sarcastic remark broke the cycle in my mind, as much as I wanted to slug him right now, I knew better. I let go and he straightened his jacket, fixing me with a smirk that made me want start strangling him. "Judging by the way you're acting it's not my relationship with him you should be worrying about, it's yours." His tone was serious despite the smirk on his face. I really wished I could think of a good response, but his words cut to the core of an old wound and my mind was still reeling as he walked away.

I tried to lose myself in paperwork the rest of the day, but the encounter with Levi had left me rattled like nothing else in a very long time. My relationship with Edward- with Fullmetal, was one I often forcefully prevented myself from thinking about too hard. I tried to tell myself he was just a subordinate, everyone knew that was a lie. I tried to tell myself I saw him as a surrogate son, or a little brother maybe. I knew that was a lie. From the moment I first met him, bloody and broken in Rizenbul, I'd known what I felt for him was something else entirely. Seeing him filled with fire and passion when he showed up in Central made my attraction to him even harder to resist, if no harder to hide. Keeping him at arm's length was a struggle, but I managed it. There were times when it was utter torture, but I knew that even on the slim chance he returned the feelings I had for him, there were dozens of reasons, both sad and valid, that we could never be together. I was his superior officer, oddly that one hurt the least because part of me knew he would leave the military the instant he restored his brother. We were both men, that one stung but even that wouldn't be impossible to work around. He was fifteen, and admitting I'd been attracted to him since he was twelve… the chances of him accepting that were nonexistent. I'd come to terms with what I was, it had taken years of self-loathing and doubt and the understanding of a more perfect friend than I deserved to make me accept myself.

Losing Hughes had certainly made things harder for me, he was the only one I could talk to about Ed, the only one I'd trusted with this. When I'd first realized what I was, he was the one who was there to tell me it didn't make me a monster. Ishval wasn't the only time I'd ever had a gun in my mouth and thought 'If I just pull this trigger, I'll be a hero.' Here without him it was even harder, having to keep everything bottled up. But keep it bottled I must, for Ed's sake as much as my own. Without Hughes the burden was once again mine to bear alone, but I would endure it.

I turned my thoughts to Levi, having had enough of wallowing in self-pity. I dug up whatever I could without rousing suspicion on him. At first glance it seemed a very ordinary, run-of-the-mill service record. Basic training, a deployment to Southern command, assignment to the Ishval occupation. Funny, he would have been there right when the revolt started. Tour in Ishval cut short, recalled to Central by… General Raven? That's peculiar. Tour in Central, tour in Central, he clearly wasn't very ambitious, promoted to Sergeant in Ishval and then just stopped advancing. No disciplinary citations, no commanding officer's remarks on his file. Deployed to Eastern Command, here was something odd; special assignment in Lior, just after Edward exposed that fraud priest. It finally clicked what was off-putting about everything I was reading. In over a decade of service, Levi had only risen to Sergeant, no record of him being placed under any commanding officer for any length of time. No consistent regiment, frequent short deployments to remote areas of the country, and special orders and assignments from Generals, even a few from the Fuhrer himself. I had heard about men like Levi, the black ops, soldiers specializing in espionage, assassination and other things the military needs done but can't make public. Everything in his file pointed to it, and it made his involvement with Ed that much more upsetting.

The next day I called Ed – Fullmetal into my office, hoping to – I don't even know what, warn him away? Why? The more I thought about it the more began to question my own intentions. Presumably since Levi entered the picture, Fullmetal had been acting calmer, happier, more rational. It's not like he'd lost any of his fire or determination. After how learning about Hughes had devastated him I had started to fear he may give up entirely, or shut everyone out for fear of the same happening to them. That hadn't happened though, he was easier to get along with than ever before, even if I spotted that look that meant he was hiding something on him every so often. I was a little disappointed that was the look he had on his face when he entered my office.

"What is it Colonel - Bastard?" He added the insult like a kid adding an honorific he'd been trained to say but didn't really feel. I wasn't sure how to take that. I motioned for him to sit down, and was briefly shocked by the unfamiliarity of the gesture, usually he just flung himself into a seat the moment he came in. I tried not to stare too obviously, pretending I was looking at something on my desk, but I noticed how deliberately he sat, leaning on his left leg and suppressing a wince as his weight shifted onto his right. Clearly his flesh leg was hurt, it could be nothing. It could be everything. _Only what he asks me to._ Levi's words burned like lightning in my eyes as I dared to wonder at their meaning. I needed to focus.

"I have some concerns about your friend Sgt. Levi –" I started to say, Fullmetal interrupted with a groan of impatience.

"Spare me, please. He's just a desk sergeant I have lunch with once in a while, what's the big deal?" His tone was dismissive, but the fear he was trying to hide from his voice was obvious in his clenched hand. It made me wonder what he was afraid of.

"I don't think he's just a desk sergeant, his deployment record is incredibly sketchy and irregular, he was in Ishval just before the uprising, then back in Central just as the fighting intensified, an undisclosed mission in Lior less than a month after you dealt with the rogue alchemist there. I know what he is Fullmetal, what he's capable of." My tone was perhaps a touch less reserved than I had intended, but it seemed to have the desired effect. Although I noticed that mentioning Levi's deployment in Ishval got no reaction, his involvement in Lior clearly caught Ed by surprise. That was nothing compared to the look of fear on his face when I told him I knew what Levi was.

I had been hoping for anger, interrogation 101 was that someone falsely accused of something becomes angry, someone actually guilty will become fearful or sad, or try to remain stoic and in control. Ed knew there was more to Levi than he'd let on, and now he knew that I knew. Or at least he _thought_ I knew, and that terrified him. I was tempted to just wait for him, see if he would volunteer anything, but I remembered he wasn't an enemy I was interrogating, he was a subordinate I cared about and was trying to help.

"I think he's black ops, someone who does the military's dirty work. I've met men like that before Fullmetal, you should be careful." It was hard not to call him Ed, not to just break down and tell him how worried I was this guy would hurt him. I would have commended myself on a fine acting job if having to do it didn't disgust me so much. Ed let out a long sigh, I couldn't tell if it was out of relief or him bracing himself for something.

"You don't need to worry Colonel, I know exactly what Nathan – Sgt. Levi does, and trust me he's not going to cause me any trouble." The slip stung me a bit more than it should have, and the cocksure look he was wearing didn't do enough to set my mind at ease. Why was it so hard for me to accept that he had someone? Whatever their relationship was, I should be happy for him. _Because it's not with you_. My traitorous thoughts burned and I shut them out. There wasn't anything left to talk to Fullmetal about, pressing any more would have been too risky.

"Just thought I'd let you know, anyway you're dismissed." I waved him off and spun around in my chair, hoping the view from the window would distract me. For a moment it did, then I saw Ed's reflection wince as he stood. It took all my self-control not to spin around and demand an explanation, or at least ask if he was hurt. Discipline won out, and I carefully chose my next words. "What is it Levi does for you?" It took a lot of effort but I kept my tone even, no judgment, no demanding lift, just a simple question. It was enough to stop Fullmetal in the doorway, he slowly closed the door and turned to face me, as I turned to face him. His shoulders were slumped and his gaze was decidedly not meeting mine.

"He… he's just someone I can talk to. I know you and your whole team are here for me but, you're just too close, you worry about me too much already. I need someone I can just vent to without worrying about it. Nathan just listens, he doesn't try to fix me or tell me what I need to do, he just lets me talk. That's what he does for me." Even though I knew there was more to it than that, he was so sincere, so guileless as he told me this that I couldn't bring myself to ask more. I wasn't sure if it was as his commanding officer or his friend that I chose to let it sit at that, but the smile on his face was worth it.

"Fair enough Fullmetal, that will be all." I allowed myself a slight smirk as I waved him off. Though the expression he wore as he left set my mind at ease, I knew there was plenty he wasn't telling me, I'd need to get my answers from Levi himself though. Edward I couldn't risk deducing my true intentions, but whatever Levi inferred from my questions would be of no consequence. Lacking hard evidence the opinion of a Sergeant – whatever else he may be to the military – wouldn't be enough to indict a Colonel. As long as he had been in the military he would know enough not to try anything against me.

Obtaining Levi's address had been almost suspiciously simple. I had assumed that someone like him would have been harder to track down. Maybe I was getting paranoid, his deployments could have just been coincidence. I had no hard evidence he was anything more than another slacker content doing paperwork for Intelligence who happened to get sent off to a few remote areas in his military career. Then there was the nature of his relationship with Ed. Again I had no hard evidence of anything, even my own observations could be tainted by my feelings for Ed. Whatever was going on, Ed was happier, probably healthier for it. I was getting ready to actually like this guy, as crazy as that sounded.

I mused on how much my thinking had changed since yesterday as I walked down the dormitory hallways. It was early, still over an hour before most people would be starting their shifts but I could already hear the sounds of waking soldiers through the thin walls. Someone had a radio on, listening to the news. It trailed off as I rounded the corner and saw Levi's door, and another sound took its place as I approached it.

"Ah! Ah! Envy! " Came the voice that I suddenly wished I didn't recognize.

My mind moved faster than I could handle. That was clearly Ed's voice, just as clearly in the throes of passion, and his lover's name… I knew only what Barry had told us of Envy, he was one of the homunculi from the fifth laboratory, along with Lust. The connections were just too easy to make from there. Envy was Levi, and Ed was fucking him. I tore myself away, marching down the hall as fast as I could, fleeing the cries of ecstasy that held nothing but agony for me as I desperately tried to cling to rational thought.

I hadn't touched the bottle since before Hughes' death, I had been pretty proud of that but it seemed meaningless now. I stopped after two glasses, my hands had stopped shaking and I could see straight again. The liquor calmed my nerves somewhat but I was still having a hard time reining in my emotions. I swung back and forth between terrible sorrow and hot, frothing rage. The hows and whys circled in my head like vultures, over the rotting carcass of my hope for a life with Ed, how it had survived this long was still a mystery.

I had to talk to him, confront him face to face. Maybe it was the drink talking but I didn't care. I don't know what I planned to do when I saw him but my gut said this was what I needed to do. After a glance at the clock to be sure he'd be in the office I found his extension and called him, taking a deep breath and putting on my most official tone of voice. "Intelligence. Sgt. Levi's desk." Even on the job he sounded like a smarmy asshole.

"This is Colonel Mustang, I need to speak with you in my office as soon as possible." I sounded calm, cool, professional and just forceful enough to make it clear I wouldn't accept any excuses. He paused for a moment before responding, I presumed he was getting someone else to cover the front desk.

"On my way Colonel." His reply sounded far too pleased for my tastes. I silently resolved to make him regret that attitude.

The time before he made it through my door was at once far too much and far too little. I had just enough time to stew in my own anger and despair, but not quite enough to fully formulate a plan to deal with him. Before I knew it he was standing in front of me, saluting smartly with a cocksure grin. He looked like he didn't have a worry in the world. It pleased me to know in that at least, he was wrong.

"Reporting as requested Colonel." The slightest hint of sarcasm laced his voice as he spoke, I tried to convince myself I had the upper hand, I was the one who would catch him off guard.

"Drop the act _Envy_ I know what you really are." I let the anger creep into my voice just a little, I didn't like letting my emotions slip but the thought it might be enough to scare him made me like the idea.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Are you alright Colonel?" Feigned ignorance, accusations of mental frailty. Not precisely what I expected, but I suppose he'd be a pretty pathetic spy to drop his disguise at such an accusation. I smirked and swallowed my despair, letting my rage come to the fore, albeit on a very tight chain.

"You should have picked somewhere with thicker walls, I heard Fullmetal call out your name, the game's up." I saw his expression change and I knew I'd gotten him. The blade of my admonition cut me deeper than it had him, but it would be worth it in the end – I hoped. His slightly frustrated expression lit back up into his usual cocky grin as he placed a hand on his hip and red sparks danced over him, Levi's blond hair grew into long black locks as his whole body shrank and his military uniform withdrew into taut alabaster skin, wrapped tightly in scarce black garments. It wasn't hard to see why Ed has chosen this… thing for his lover. Much as I hated it, Envy was stunningly beautiful.

"So it seems I've been found out by the great Flame Colonel, whatever is a poor Homonculus to do?" He mocked a distraught pout, and I was a little surprised at how feminine his voice sounded now. I mustn't get distracted now, for all his confidence I could still make him think I had the advantage.

"You can start by answering my questions, first of all, what are you after? Why Fullmetal and to what end is this little game of yours coming?" I let the anger show a little more, not enough to let him think I wasn't in control, just enough to know I meant business. That's what I'd hoped for anyway, a smile lit up his face as I spoke.

"You've got it all wrong Flame Alchemist, Ed came to me, I'm the one he's after and it is for his sole benefit that I persist in our relationship, well I suppose that isn't entirely true, I can't deny how much _fun_ he can be." He sauntered closer to my desk and leered lasciviously as he spoke. My hands itched for my spark gloves as the links in the chain on my anger began to break, one by one.

"You expect me to believe Fullmetal sought you out? What could he possibly want from some_thing_ like you?" He positively preened at my insult, leaning uncomfortably close to my face.

"Only what you could never give-" My fist thudded painfully into his deceptively tough face, from what I'd learned about Lust and what Ed had said about Greed, the homunculi were supposed to be mostly human, physically. So how did this effeminate teenage boy have a solid iron jaw? He fixed me with a slightly frustrated glare as I pulled my fist away, bruises already starting to form on my knuckles. "I wouldn't recommend trying that again, I have only so much patience for pathetic humans like you." He stood up straight and placed his hands on his hips. "As I was saying, I give Ed what you can't. Even if he asked it of you, you could never give him what he needs. Really you should be thanking me." He gestured self-importantly as he spoke, making Levi look downright humble and reserved by comparison. His words wormed through my mind, setting off lines of questions the quickly became too many to keep track of, my mouth voiced one before the rest of me could stop it.

"It can't be as simple as just sex, what do you mean you give Ed what he 'needs'?" Part of me didn't want to know the answer, most of me didn't even want to ask the question. He fixed me with a look that reminded me a proud teacher.

"You're right Mustang, the sex is actually new. No, his needs fall on an entirely different spectrum." He perched himself on the only uncluttered corner of my desk, had I been less infuriated by the whole situation I would have been amused at how ladylike he sat. "I kind of wonder why you asked though, it's not like I'll tell you, really what did you hope to accomplish in confronting me? Ed knows who and what I am, there's no one in the military you could expose me to. What's _your_ game Mustang?" There was some genuine curiosity in his question, beneath that grin and that glare. Truthfully I wasn't entirely sure myself anymore.

"I could kill you." I replied almost conversationally, he laughed.

"Surely you're joking, there're a thousand reasons you can't kill me, and a thousand more you won't even if you could." He ran his hand through his hair as he turned away and slid off my desk. I was curious now, and decided to try and call his bluff.

"Give me one." I intoned icily, pulling one of my spark gloves on. He stopped and turned, grinning at me.

"For the murder of Sergeant Nathan Levi, we find the defendant guilty!" He responded chillingly in the Fuhrer's own voice. "You called me here on a military line, and the entire desk staff knows this is where I went, even if you managed to kill me, everyone would know you were Levi's murderer, and good luck with using the 'He was a homunculus!' routine on my little brother." It was a little jarring to have Envy, who looked barely older than Ed, refer to the Fuhrer as his younger sibling, him using my voice didn't help matters in that area either, but the monster had a good point. "Besides, Ed would be devastated if I died, and I know you wouldn't want to do that to him." Mocking as his tone was, I heard some real sympathy in it. Maybe he really did care about Ed.

"Fullmetal is my subordinate, his well-being is my primary concern. My intention in confronting you was to make sure you weren't endangering him." He chuckled at that.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself Mustang, I suppose it would be the least I could do to leave you with your illusions." He waved me off and turned toward the door. His words cut me to the core. Had he seen right through me? Did he know my feelings for Edward? I was almost too rattled to stop him.

"Wait, Envy." I spoke calmly, it took a lot of effort to keep my cool, I wondered if he could tell how much his words affected me. "There's one more thing I need to ask you." The anger crept back into my voice as the one question I had been asking since I met the homunculi floated to the surface of my mind. He fixed me with a slightly impatient stare. "Who killed Maes Hughes?" I was already transmuting the air in the room, letting wisps of oxygen coalesce all around him, it was a pattern I'd used against Lust, the heat would reduce a human being to vapor. He closed his eyes and a smirk twisted his mouth as he turned away from me, spreading his arms wide in surrender.

"Tell me Colonel, what will you say when Edward asks who killed me?" His reply shocked me, the muscles in my hand at war with each other over whether or not to snap and _end him_. I knew he had me though, I couldn't touch him as long as he was Ed's, the look on his face when he thought I killed Maria Ross still haunted me. I couldn't bear actually deserving that hatred. As he retook Levi's shape and opened the door, I reached for the bottle once more. As much as I cared for Fullmetal, my motivations today were born of nothing but jealousy. I wanted what this monster had more than anything, Ed's trust and affection, his love for all I knew. I wanted his body in my bed, screaming my name as he surrendered himself to me. I poured a glass. Then another, seemed fitting to have two, for even though I watched him leave my office, I was sharing a drink with envy.


	7. Pipsqueak

**Author Notes: So here it is! The final chapter of Cruelty! I say that, but I may not be entirely done with this particular scenario just yet, but I currently have no plans to write any more for it. This one is from Envy's point of view! This is the one I was most concerned with getting in character, hope I didn't blow it! Rated M For graphic Edvy sex.**

**Pipsqueak**

Humans are so ridiculous. Lucky for us I suppose, if it wasn't so easy to exploit their sentimentality, their idiotic devotions and loyalties my job would certainly be a lot harder. They just act so illogically, getting so upset over the stupidest things. What other creatures would go to war over the death of a single child? Or hesitate to kill someone because of who they look like? To think of all the pain these humans put themselves through over their idiotic emotional leanings.

The Pipsqueak for example, so wrapped up in his guilt he was well on the road to self-destruction when I met him. It was hilarious at first, seeing him shout and rage against the world when he was so obviously just crying out for someone to punish him, make him feel the pain he thought he deserved. It became more of a concern when he was selected as a sacrifice, though I was fairly certain he wouldn't kill himself on purpose, he might just get killed the way he keeps looking for people to hurt him. That's why I became his dom really, keep the precious little sacrifice safe from his own stupidity. There was a part of me that enjoyed it, certainly, but it was simply the most efficient means to the most desirable end.

I cradle him in my arms, planting a kiss on his forehead as I soothe the cuts I just gave him. He's changed so much from when we first started this. Now he's smiling up at me, his eyes bright and just a little wet. His smile is calm and gentle, with just a subtle curl of knowing. I'd been holding him and washing him for longer than the session had lasted at this point. It was hard to tell which he really enjoyed more. _He loves all of it, because it's with you_. I start slightly as the thought cuts through me. In the beginning I told him I didn't care how he felt about me, it wouldn't change my feelings, assuming I had any. I didn't either, still don't. _That's a lie Envy, and you know it_. I pull Ed into a hug and kiss his neck, he shifts his legs to straddle me automatically and presses himself against me.

Lies are all I have sometimes, they're who I am. I was created for the sole purpose of pretending to be people I'm not. I'm the Ultimate Mask, the vessel for Father's jealousy. Interesting that of all the homunculi my sin apparently needed the largest vessel. Since my creation it's been a struggle to maintain my own identity. When you wear so many masks it can be hard to remember which one's your real face. When your real face is mine it's hard not to try and just forget.

Ed still hasn't seen it. Almost two months we've been like this and he still only knows how I want to look, at least how I've convinced myself I want to look. Much as I love my preferred form, with all its hard curves and sharp angles, I'm still so in awe of Edward's body. He's so imperfectly human, so torn and scarred and flawed, every inch of his body tells the story of his life. My body, with its inhuman perfection, is just so empty and blank compared to his.

The cold steel of his right arm presses on my back as he pulls me close, his warm left hand travels down my belly and into my shorts. I gasp as his fingers close around me, I'm already hard, have been since I felt him against me. I'm not even sure if I really have a gender, the real me that is, and sex was problematic at first in this body. After over a century I've more than gotten used to it, even found it enjoyable, though I'm not sure if it's for the same reasons humans have. I try to decide how I want him as he strokes me and bites at my ear. He always loves it when I take him, how I fill him and touch and hold him as he shudders on me, his long hidden desires finally satisfied. I wrap my hands around his rear and lift him against me, a gasp escapes him and his breath catches as he realizes my intent. He grips my shoulders as I slick my tip with precum. I know he's ready, he'd let me take him dry if I asked him to. I still occasionally consider sexual sadism, but not yet, not for him. A sharp cry escapes Ed as I enter him, a low moan from me as I sink in and pull him to the crook of my neck. Soft kisses and bites cover my neck and shoulder, he's become so free with his affection, kept chained for too long it pours out in a flood every time I touch him tenderly. We move together slowly, letting the heat build and build.

He's always rough when he tops me, at my insistence. Part of it is the role reversal, letting my sub be forceful and dominant, letting myself be weak and helpless. I need that sometimes, loathe as I am to admit it. The other part is, I'm just not ready to accept his love so directly. I don't love him. I do NOT love him. I don't. I'm sure I don't, but it gets harder to tell myself every time another mask falls. I remember each one so distinctly. The first one fell when I asked if he really wanted me to hurt him. I still remember the surprise on his face, the disgust, the shame. The next one dropped after our first session, his first taste of aftercare. I never meant to start caring about him, I was just tired of him picking fights with me. _Wrong, you knew what he was going through, what he was succumbing to, because you've seen that look on his face in the mirror_. So many lies, so many masks, I can never be sure which one's talking, which one's listening. I thought I was putting on another mask when I spoke to him as Levi, but really I was dropping yet another one, our every friendly talk bring him closer to the truth. I was even more scared than him when I kissed him the first time, suddenly afraid I couldn't keep my face on. When I felt him finally enter me, pinning me beneath him and taking me for his own, I wondered how I could keep the mask on. When I held him close and kissed him again, I wondered if I even wanted to.

Our lips meet and I lift into him harder than before, moaning into my mouth he clutches me tighter and clenches on me. I slip my tongue into his mouth and he welcomes it eagerly, his own lapping at mine lovingly. I slip my hand in between us and find him, his tip wet and his length throbbing against me. His breath catches as my hand wraps around him, breaking the kiss and starting to pant. My pace on him quickens along with his breathing, he is whimpering with need as our gazes meet and I capture his lips again, my mouth muffles his cries as he pulses in my hand, tensing against me as his cum covers my torso and hand. Desperately he kisses me again and again before relaxing against me, nestling against my neck once more.

"You didn't finish, did you?" He asks, half concerned half chiding. I pull him closer and kiss his forehead.

"Don't worry about it pipsqueak." I pull him down with me as I lay back onto the mattress, he lets out a little whine as I slide out, but stays cuddled up against me. I don't know how long we just lay there, my hand absently stroking over his back and shoulder, his drawing lazy patterns in my chest. After some time he speaks.

"I'm leaving Central tomorrow, me and Al. I'm not sure how long we'll be gone." His voice is forced, I can tell he doesn't want to say it, and I hear the unspoken question beneath it.

"I'll be here when you get back then, just don't get yourself killed." I stroke his hair as I give my answer, he gives me a glare and jabs me in the side.

"I'll be fine, you just better still be here when I get back." I hear a familiar undertone in his voice, the one he uses when he tops me, and he notices my body responding.

"Or what, pipsqueak?" A wicked smile takes over my face as I question his threat, I know exactly what he's intending and have every intention of goading him on. A fire lights in his eyes as he climbs between my legs, and I feel a twinge of pain that I've never felt before.

"Or this you deranged palm tree!" He shouts, moving to thrust into me, my hand on his chest stops him, worry and confusion written on his face.

"W-wait pipsqueak." I stammer, suddenly losing my words, my hand moves to his shoulder and I pull him into my arms, something unfamiliar clutching at my chest as I press my lips to his ear. "This time, I want…" I swallow the lump in my throat as I feel another mask fall away. "I want you to make love to me." I almost can't look at him, but gently he touches my cheek, and his eyes tell me everything I need to know.

His lips cover mine slowly, I open my mouth to invite his tongue, he obliges and I feel a stinging in my eyes as he closes the space between us. My legs wrap around him, a silent invitation he starts to accept. Grudgingly he breaks our kiss as his tip presses to my entrance, his face asking permission, if I'm ok. I can only nod, neither of us will risk breaking this spell with words, and as he enters me I kiss him again, wrapping my arms around his neck and shoulders, needing this more than anything. He holds me tight, like I've held him so many times before. The whole world burns away until only this moment exists, the salty sweet taste of his tongue, the pressure of his lips against mine, the heat of his body pressing to mine, his swollen length filling me with slow strokes. I move against him, willing him to go deeper, finally admitting to myself how much I need him.

The heat builds quickly, our breathing becoming rougher as we both start to lose control, he keeps his steel arm around my shoulders, keeping me close as his left hand moves between us, silently I plead for his touch, and his hand closes around me, teasing my length with soft touches before beginning to stroke me. I can't maintain the kiss any longer, pressing my face to his neck instead, whimpering softly as he satisfies my needs. My orgasm catches me by surprise, which has never happened before. Suddenly I'm screaming, crying out as it works through me, Ed's every thrust making me shoot again. Moments later he's crying out as well, and I feel him pulsing inside, filling me with his love. I'm trembling as I caress his face, bringing his lips back to mine as we ride out our orgasms, twitches and spasms ignored for the perfection in this moment.

We lay in each other's arms for a long time, I find myself unable to let him go, my whole body aching at the thought of pulling away, but he seems to be in no hurry either. It's only when he finally softens and slips out of me that I start to ease back, disentangle myself from him and move so we're laying on our sides, facing each other. A light kiss ghosts across my lips and I look into his beautiful golden eyes, then clench mine shut as the haze starts to fade and I'm able to remember what I am. I feel Ed's hand on the back of my head as he pulls me to his chest, clutching me tightly like his most precious possession. Even as he tries his best to comfort me, to love me, I can feel it all closing in around me. Because it's NOT me. It's just the image I made, the mask I wear, the one I won't take off. As the tears well up in my eyes I push him away, drawing back into myself.

"W-what's wrong Envy?" Ed stammers, panic tightening his voice. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I feel him reach out to me, his warm hand against my cheek. "Please Envy, you can tell me." I force my eyes open as my hand covers his. He looks so scared, so concerned, so beautiful. I close my fingers around his hand and move it to my chest, holding it there for a moment as I find the strength to speak.

"There's something I need to show you Ed, please just…" I can't finish, I don't know what to tell him, red sparks light my chest. He doesn't pull away. I pull his hand into my chest, he gasps but still does not pull back as I pull his hand into where my heart should be. I feel his palm brush my real body and take a deep breath. "Take it – gently." I feel his fingers curl in on me and close my eyes, then open my real ones. The sensation of his skin against my real body is indescribable as he pulls me from my shell. The dull light of the room is almost blinding, Ed's face is just a blurry pink blob, haloed in gold. He brings me closer as his face comes into focus, curiosity and uncertainty written on it. He opens his mouth as if to speak and I cut him off, terrified of what he might say. "This… is what I really am pipsqueak. I – I wanted to show you before you left…" I can't say any more, my huge eyes already overflowing with tears, my voice too choked and cracked to continue. I wait for the disgust, the revulsion. It doesn't come, instead I feel soft, slightly damp skin press to the top of my head. Ed kissed me. Me, the real me, the sad pathetic worm that dares to pretend to be homunculus, Envy.

"It's alright Envy, you're kind of adorable like this." He says with a soft laugh, brushing his cheek against me. Again I'm speechless, but for entirely different reasons. I can't do anything but gape at him, his warm smiling face that doesn't bear a trace of fear or doubt or disgust. His thumb is rubbing my soft underbelly, I wrap all eight of my limbs around it lovingly, he chuckles again, holding and stroking me gently. I put my mouth on his thumb and give it a little suck, closest thing to a kiss I can manage like this, and look up at him.

"Ok put me back so I can kiss you properly." I demand, my squeaky voice suddenly funny even to me now. He bumps his nose to the patch of skin between my eyes and puts me back in my shell. I close my eyes and become myself, grabbing him and kissing him fiercely, every nerve screaming as my will extends into the whole of this body. He responds, and we hold each other entwined like that for a long moment. Eventually I break the kiss and nestle into the crook of his neck, again unable to speak, but only because there's nothing else I need to say.

When he does leave, it is amid a flurry of kisses and assurances of his safety that in hindsight I feel utterly ridiculous for. I'm Envy the Jealous, the devious, the powerful and the dangerous. I'm a homunculus, far above and beyond anything these pathetic humans could ever hope to attain. Absently I place my hand on my chest, just over where my heart should be, and I feel the tiny little thing at my core, my true self. For all that I think I am, for all the masks I wear, underneath it I'm just a little pipsqueak.


End file.
